Lend Me Motivation

I really need to find the motivation to start cleaning. Everywhere I look I see something that needs to be picked up or cleaned off. I just have no desire to do any of it. I have been telling myself to start cleaning since 0830 this morning and I have only managed to put my sheets into the wash and put a couple of cups into the dishwasher. Not getting far at all. These are the days where I could just come hire someone to clean my house for the day and not even really clean but rather pick up and do all the monotonous things I have to do on a daily basis. Ugh and I have like 5 baskets of clean clothes to put away its all clean but honestly I HATE folding and putting it all away. :/ I usually do as each load is done but then I wasn't able to go up and downstairs and it started to pile up. I just hate cleaning especially since the girls constantly destroy everything they touch and the cycle starts all over again. Obviously if you can't tell I hate cleaning so very much but I think more then anything I just hate this house and cannot wait to move out of it. Hate it hate it hate it!

On the upside I did get my 1st mile run of the day in today and ran it in 10:50 thats 25 seconds off my time from Wednesday. I'm very proud of myself and will be running again before bed. I feel so good afterwards even though I'm dying during telling myself that I can't quit and that 11 minutes is very little time to be on the treadmill so just suck it up and get it over with. And then I'm done, I'm proud of myself and its just another step to losing weight and getting my body back to where I want it to be. I have 2 months and 1 day until Billy comes home and that is more then enough time to get my body back to where I want it to be. Tonight when I talk to my amazing husband I'm going to talk to him about buying the Insanity 60 day program. So doing that, running, then I have completely changed my diet. I have cut out all sweets, pops/energy drinks, processed food, and sticking to an extremely healthy diet. I will be 6 weeks post-op on Tuesday and thats when I'm "supposed" to be fully cleared but a few days early isn't going to do anything. I do have a "before picture" but I think I will hold off on showing it until I have my after picture as well. 62 days until the transformation will be revealed.

I got to talk to Billy for 15 minutes last night. He says it just sucks, that he is tired already and all they do is yell at them. This is the biggest class ever and they have to do some crazy stuff to accommodate them and instead of the barracks they should be in they are in a crappy one without the amenities they should have. (including internet) So for now its just using our phones to talk. I haven't heard from him at all today and he said it wouldn't be until 8-9pm or so. ( He is 2 hours ahead) I hope things start to get better for him and things smooth out. Apparently a lot of people have already failed just in the 1st day. He said the school has like a 50% pass/fail rate. I have all faith in the world in him and passing. I just wish there was a fast forward button because we are all ready for him to be home. Nevaeh keeps asking if its time for daddy to come home, and will he be home soon. She actually just asked me if we could call him on the computer (skype) but like I said with the lack of internet there its not possible. So she will just have to settle for talking to him on the phone later when he calls. I knew she was going to have a rough time with him being gone and she keeps asking how many more days (she usually says 5 more days until he is home?) so I guess that means we have to sit down and make another Daddy Chain to countdown to picking him up from the airport. Also to find activities to keep both the girls busy. Thankfully the weather is getting warmer again so we can go on walks and to the park. We will do that after dinner that way it passes time wears them out and they go straight into the bath then relax for a bit before they go to bed. Almost 3 days down...Trying to be optimistic but honestly its starting off extremely slow. I wish I had some type of days to look forward to. Usually about now I would say my birthday (Oct. 15) but it looks like its just going to be the girls and I this year. The last few years my parents have been amazing and come through and been there they actually haven't missed one in the last 3 years (thank you mom and dad) Billy on the other hand has only been around to celebrate my 23rd birthday. 22nd he was in Iraq, 24th he was in Texas doing a funeral, 25th Afghanistan, now 26th at drill school. Sigh the life of the Army but in all actuality I much rather him here for more important days anyway like the girls birthday, thanksgiving, christmas. Next year though its "my year" lol.
But as I was saying I don't have any significant events to countdown to make things go faster like I usually have with a deployment. So its just taking a day at a time and just making the most out of these 2 months.

I will get my motivation back (eventually) and at the same time the days will pass by. This never gets easier and honestly I think it gets harder but the girls keep me extremely busy and the motivation to workout and know that there is so much to look forward to when he does return is exciting.

I suppose I will stop procrastinating on here and at least throw my sheets into the dryer...

I'm Back!

Well its definitely been longer then planned for me to stay away from writing here. But, then again once in a while life gets in the way and there are other priorities that become far more important. And lets recap on those things...

1. Billy came home from Afghanistan (thank goodness)

2. Little Miss Lexie Carson was born (8/07/12)

So life has been extremely busy from us reconnecting as a family and then adding another member. It has been amazing (almost) 4 months. I'm not even sure how to put into words how fantastic its been. I felt complete and whole again with having Billy home and safe. The girls are (were) so very happy to have daddy home. I use past tense because unfortunately this morning we had to drop Billy off at the airport so he could head to drill school in South Carolina (Ft. Jackson). It sucks because it feels as though we just got him home for him to turn around and leave for 9 weeks. Its especially hard for me because my body is still getting back to normal as far as having Lexie so I'm still quite emotional and sensitive about a lot of things. And Lexie is only 5 weeks old (as of yesterday) so for her daddy to turn around and leave as such a early stage of her life really hits me hard. Now I get to do it all on my own again and this time its with 3 instead of 2. But like I was saying life is great we have had so much fun lately and both girls are growing like crazy. Everyday is something new with them. Billy and I are constantly on our toes and always laughing at their silly antics. I really don't know where to begin with them, I suppose I will have to really think about it and get back to them. The one thing that I do know is they are the sunshine to my life and bring complete happiness and joy. They are the best big sisters so loving, caring, and just plain excited about having Lexie in their lives. So very thankful that it was such an easy, smooth transition and we have had zero issues (except for the fact they may be a little to helpful in the picking her up department and we are working on trying to get them to understand that even though Lexie may be small like their dolls she can't be picked up and moved around like them).

We really have it good right now minus the fact that Billy is gone. But we just keep telling one another that its just the first step towards a new chapter in our family. We are extremely excited but to be honest hating the fact that he had to leave for so long already. The girls and I are very supportive and proud of him no matter what may happen along the way. We will be counting down until he is home thats for sure!

Lexie is the last puzzle piece in our family and she really does make us complete. She is such a good baby and so easy to take care of. Very thankful for that. She is such a combination of looks from all 4 of us really. Now to just watch her grow and see her personality take shape. Thank goodness she has to awesome big sisters to watch, learn, and grow with!

Our life is a constant ever changing journey. It has its ups, downs and in between moments. It is always harder when I have to do it all alone but with all the love and support from my husband (family & friends) it does make it a lot more easier. There are so many adventures, memories, and special moments ahead and I am looking forward to sharing more of our journey with everyone.

xo,

Danyelle

See ya for now

I think I will be taking a bit of a hiatus from posts.

Not as long as the ones in the past but for a good amount of time.

Thanks for keeping up with us and all my craziness lately.

-Danyelle

Oh joy

Why is it when I have a good day it's always followed by the worst possible night? It's like I am being punished for having a good day.

Right now I am going on 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Go to bed about 1130 just because my body is achy and I just can't fall asleep. Then to be woken up about 1230 fine no problem, I change the clocks just so its already done. 3 rolls around (2 b/c of the clock change) and one again woke up to screaming...up and down the stairs for the next 2 hours finally get Makenna back to sleep. I'm nice and comfortable snuggled about to fall back asleep, the cat races off the bed and I listen. Nevaeh decided she can't be upstaged by Makenna and has made we way upstairs. Literally 10 minutes ago I had tucked her back in and had gotten her comfortable. Now to tell her to go back to her room and listen to her start to cry in her own loud pitch voice and say. "but my blankeys", well you should have stayed in bed. So once again I am out of bed going downstairs to tuck Nevaeh in. Oh yes I totally forgot that she had also woken me up one other time around 1145 screaming because the bow on Hello Kitty had fallen on the floor...that should have been the sign off how this night was going to go.

It's now 520 and I am wide awake... 18 weeks pregnant and going on 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Welcome to my effing world it's such a fun place to be in.

Where you don't ever sleep. You're always alone. Constantly stressed and worried about everyone else. Have to manage and deal every single day all by yourself and just hope this will be the day that will be easy and you will get that message or here Skype start to ring. You can be told that you will hear from them but that doesn't necessarily mean it will happen. You want to vent scream and say you give up but really thats the last thing you want to do because you don't want that person to worry because they have far more important things to worry about...like staying alive. So my petty stupid annoying frustrating repetitive days really don't mean shit when you have that to compare to. And then it makes me mad here i am complaining and this is what they deal with daily. But I am the one who has to worry about that part as well and will be the one left alone forever to deal with this life alone raising soon to be 3 girls if the unimaginable were to happen. Funny to say unimaginable when it's something a question every single day.

Yep, I am most definitely going crazy. I'm tired of being stressed but it will never end. Now I have to find someone else to watch the cat and dog. Hopefully find someone to take us to the airport. Pack and make sure I don't forget anything. On top of still doing all my other daily crap I have to do.

I hate people looking in at my life and thinking that they have any idea what I deal with everyday. I have being told I am strong, I am not and don't tell me otherwise. Don't try to compare stories or you "understand"... Unless you have dealt with a situation like this you do not have a clue what it's like. Yet I do appreciate the support and love it means everything to me.

I just need some peace and normalcy. I need my husband home to help with the girls and everyday life. I need his support and love more then anything. I don't want to have to worry every second of the day. I want to just getaway with him for a little while and have all his attention on me and mine on him. Especially when for a really long time both our attention is focused elsewhere.

I will say this it's a whole new type of worry when you have one of the husbands who is out fighting almost every single day.

So for now I will get back into bed, try to get a little more sleep. Be thankful for everything and everyone who surrounds me and makes getting through these days possible. Think about how much I love my daughters and husband regardless of everything I have mentioned above. I will hope that I will hear and see the one person I love more then anything and can't live without.

Tomorrow is a new day where I continue to hope for the best and expect the worst. It will be nice when I can hope for the best and get the best in return. Until then... Well I'm not really sure. I'll just appreciate everything I have, I guess.

Good Day

I think I have finally reached the uncomfortable stage. I have been fine for the most part until today. Lexie is uncomfortable and she is definitely letting know. I must have been sitting one way for far to long now I am in pain. Eh oh well I know once I stretch out I'll be fine. I am also getting to the point where everything is getting compacted so breathing at time sucks. Not fun at all. But at least she is growing and I am just 2 weeks away from the half way point. Where has the time gone?? So happy that its going quick. Thank goodness hopefully the 2nd half will cruise on by as well.

The girls and I had a lot of fun today. We were dressed and ready to go early today but I was just exhausted so I made nap time 1030 this morning. We all slept 2 hours then woke up and went to Target. Nevaeh showed me the toys that she wants for her birthday and then we picked up a few groceries to get us through the next few days until we leave. The girls were disappointed because the Starbucks was out of cake pops. So we bought 2 bags of candy instead. :) We then went to Qdoba for lunch. YUMMY!! Came home and ate then went outside and ran around for a long time. They destroyed the basement once again so they will be picking that up in the morning. Currently they are in my bedroom watching the new Strawberry Shortcake movie Nevaeh got at the store today. (We are going to take it to Grandma's) I am going to go cuddle up with them in a few minutes and then they will be off to bed. So I can finally relax for a little while.

So I find that when I really want to plan something I get way too into it and then can never make a decision and it becomes exhausting. :/ Hopefully I'll get the motivation to figure everything out but as of now I just give up and don't know what to do. Blah frustrating trying to ALWAYS make decisions alone all day everyday. I think my head feels like its going to explode sometimes.

Positive note I found the nursery set that I want to do for Lexie's nursery! Its going to be monkeys! The colors are green, brown, and white. Pretty excited to order everything. Which once we are back from Michigan I am going to start doing that and getting everything in order because I don't want to be waiting until the last minute to get everything ready. Which includes getting rid of the spare bed so I can start getting her room ready and also looking for a toddler bed for Makenna. I think I want her to be sleeping in it before Lexie gets here so thats one last thing we will have to worry about.

So if you can't tell I just have to keep busy to keep my mind off other things. So trying to pile a million things into these next 2 months is a must. And I think I have that under control this far. Eh..why can't I just disappear and hibernate and forget the world for a little while? That would make things much more easy.

Thank goodness for my treadmill, music, and headphones.

Precious things come in 3's!

Lexie Carson Feldhahn

I just think Billy and I are so incredibly lucky. We are so lucky that we have had an easy time at conceiving some special little miracles. You can now make that 3 girls for us. Lexie Carson will be joining our hoard of little ladies and we couldn't be more thrilled. I am 17 weeks and 1 day today. I had a 3d/4d ultrasound done yesterday and was able to surprise my husband that evening with knowing what we were having. I think knowing this makes everything that much more real. Instead of "it" its she or Lexie. We can start planning her nursery and shopping for clothes (though we don't really need to buy anything..a few random odds and ends and of course she needs her "own" clothes versus just her sisters hand me downs) We are reaching the fun stage or preparing for her arrival even though we still have a while to wait. Soon everyone else will be able to feel her little kicks. Then before we know it she will be joining us...Such a wonderful time for us and I am thankful everyday for the blessings we have been given. Especially when knowing there are so many people who have such hard times at having kids and we are lucky to soon have 3.

Both big sisters are very excited about having a little sister. Makenna loves looking at the ultrasound pictures and saying "baby" she rubs my tummy and gives it kisses. Nevaeh has become very gentle and always asks where she is and makes sure if she is going to be rough its not anywhere near my stomach. She went crazy yesterday evening when we were looking at clothes for her sister. It was absolutely adorable and makes my heart melt because even though she has her moments she is the sweetest most kind little girl and cares deeply for her sisters, her mommy, daddy, grandma, grandpa, and gunky. She always thinks of everyone else and wants to do nice things for them, call them, and is constantly planning an extremely long list of adventures. She is without a doubt the one who is going to keep us very busy. Makenna is a little sweetheart too but lately has been having her shy moments and then will turn around a surprise you with her smile and laugh. (Or the random word she will throw out to catch you off guard)

I am thrilled that Billy will be home soon enough so he can really start enjoying all these moments. They are both at awesome ages to really be able to enjoy spending time with them. They are constantly cracking me up with their antics, Makenna's "no's", and Nevaeh's insanely hilarious comments. They keep things interesting and always changing. I'm thankful to have these little girls in my life and to keep my company while he is away. BUT I am thrilled their daddy will be home soon to be able to take them because they are a handful! I love being able to be a parent with him without him sucks. I love all the fun we have together and soon to be able to add another to the bunch of all of us sillies is going to be fantastic. I was watching the girls take a bath tonight and all I could think is "wow before I know it I am going to have 3 of them in the tub together"...Where ever we may move we will always need a large tub. haha

This is one of those amazingly happy moments that we get to share with everyone. And I am amazed by all the LOVE and supportive people in our lives. That everyone gets just as anxious as us to know what we are having and can't wait until she is here too. We are so lucky for that as well.

What a FUN day!

The girls and I had a BLAST at the zoo today. They were all over the place running around looking at the animals it was so much fun to be able to watch the both of them interact, its definitely going to be an exciting summer at the zoo with them and daddy. He is going to be so amazed when he sees them with the animals. Especially Makenna since she was still rather young last year! What a surprise he is in for. They both have to be exhausted I know I can barely keep my eyes open. Check out my Facebook for all the pictures and funny videos I have. I'll be putting them up later on this evening. So thankful the weather was absolutely beautiful today the girls were able to wear shorts and be warm enough. Love these beautiful days that randomly occur we are definitely making the best out of them.

The girls are currently in the bath because they decided to go in the backyard and play in the dirt and let me tell you it wasn't a pretty site when they were done. Now to get all clean and then have dinner, watch a movie, and relax before bedtime. So we can have more fun tomorrow. We are going to head to Castle Rock and hopefully find Nevaeh a birthday outfit (Ken too) and just a couple random things for Michigan. Maybe even shop for daddy? ;)

Life is great right now done with all the nonsense that effects my life in a negative way and just enjoy the moments right now. So much to be thankful for. Love love love my little girls for making this day so incredibly fun. Now if I would just be able to talk to a certain someone to tell him about our adventures. (this is the first time the girls and I went to the zoo alone)...

1 zoo day down for the year....SO SO many more to go!!!

Really?

So why is it sometimes the day has barely even started and I'm already aggravated? And it annoys me that lately these blogs have been me more annoyed then anything. Thankfully I have two amazing little girls to make moments like this ten times better and those moments I don't really tend to post about.

I just hate how frustrating life can be sometimes and the one person who I turn to when I have these problems isn't even a round to talk to at all. So instead I complain and vent about it here. I have to get it out somewhere. I am generally a VERY happy person and don't let much get to me. But eh I think I have good reason to be the way I am at the moment. Its not always easy to just let things go and be happy 24/7.

I will just say I did something yesterday that I 100% regret this morning. I wish people would just understand the concept of being left alone. And I've come to realize once again this is the final straw and I'm done. Nothing will or can change my mind. I feel as though my privacy was violated and I am beyond angry by this. And what is sad that this is the first thing I can assume just because of the past and how people choose to act. You don't think I wouldn't figure things out? Don't worry that won't ever happen again and things just got even more private you think you don't know anything now...

And the 2nd thing is I wish I could just carry my close true friends around with me in my pocket. I hate the Army for taking the good ones away from me. I'm tired of friends who only want to be when its convenient for them. I'm done wasting my time putting effort into where the same effort and respect isn't being returned. It just isn't worth it to me anymore. Especially when the ones who mean the most to me are so far away. I much rather have 1 0r 2 close friends then anything else. I am so ready for change and can't wait for it to happen...Sad when I have a countdown for that as well. I just don't understand what I am doing wrong? I would like to think I am a good friend and am always there for a person when they need it and bend over backwards to accommodate and help someone out. I guess what it comes down to is those people don't feel the same way or treat friendship in the same light. And I'm serious when I say it happens time and time again. The people that you think are closest to and hope that you will remain in contact with and will be there for you when you are always there for them you just turn around and get burned.

I think this is all turning me into a judgmental closed off hermit. And its going to take so much effort to find yourself into my life because not only am I burned by family but people I consider friends as well. Hopefully with the fresh start will come change and true genuine people. I'm skeptical but at the same time am excited and remaining positive. Thankfully I will have those (couple close friends, you know who you are), amazing family, and the most supportive understanding husband by my side to make sure everything turns out alright. Hoping for the best but expecting the worst as become my new way of looking at things lately. Sad I know but with what I have had to work with lately..thats the only way I can.

But at the same time each day is a gift and I appreciate every moment with those people who are apart of my life and truly care to be apart of it. My daughters are healthy and happy, my husband even though is in Afghanistan and it will be a week tomorrow that I have heard from him I haven't heard any bad news so I can only assume he is healthy and (happy considering the circumstances). In 10 days I will be surrounded by REAL family where the girls and I will be surrounded by love and happiness and we will have a blast! And then I will know the sex of this little baby growing inside of me. And it will be just that much closer to the most important person to me will be home...I welcome that day and will probably be one of the best moments to happen in I don't know how long! I need my better half home with me and hopefully it will make me a little bit more sane and not so high strung...One can hope right?

Just another day to make me a little bit stronger and a little bit wiser. (And apparently a bit more bitter as well) Eh I'm 25 and still young and trying to figure things out I have a LONG time until just maybe I will "understand" this journey and path. Thankfully I have the best of the best along for the journey to help and guide me. (Thanks to those who are there and understand)

Another Step Done!

Finally have all of Nevaeh's Birthday invitations addressed now to just pick up stamps and get them all mailed out tomorrow morning! One step closer in preparing for her birthday party. Now to sit down with her in a little while and make sure she is 100% sure on her birthday decorations so I can get them ordered and delivered to my parent's house. She is beyond excited for her birthday. She keeps talking about all her decorations and she even told me she was going to go pick up the balloons all by herself! Go for it little girl I hope you have money too. She still hasn't really said anything she wants for her birthday because I don't think she really grasps the concept yet. But next year she will without a doubt understand. Billy and I have a couple ideas on what we are going to get her but we decided to wait until after Michigan to give her anything.

And I think she is just more excited about seeing Grandma, Grandpa, and Gunky then anything else. I swear she adds something to her "to do" list everything single day. Its about a mile long already. She is going to keep everyone busy thats for sure! She has also requested to talk to daddy while we are in Michigan (hopefully that will happen) She was rather insistent on it. Always keeping daddy close no matter what we are doing. :)

Today, we are going to hit up the park since its supposed to be 60. And then I am pretty sure the zoo tomorrow since its says 67 and that way we can use Nevaeh's early birthday present (her yearly zoo membership from Great Gpa/Gma Hyet)

Happy Sunday everyone!

STUPID!

Okay I know everyone is entitled to your own opinion about things and this personally is my opinion. The whole message, quote, thing that has popped up on Facebook and a ridiculous amount of people are posting and tagging them, I happen to find it absolutely stupid. Okay the ones that are completely sarcastic and have been around for a while now those I do enjoy and get a good chuckle out of because frankly they are funny.

The ones talking about being a parent, wife, husband, girlfriend...I find to be the most annoying and pointless thing ever. Seriously you find the need to post them on your Facebook, why? Nobody cares. Yeah you may get that one person to like them because they are as annoying as you and post them up too. But really if you had such a great relationship with that person wouldn't make more sense to tell them those things versus thinking 'oh so and so' is going to get on Facebook read this smile and think oh 'Oh thank you for posting that "amazing" ' message. Get real say something YOU actually mean versus something that somebody else has said. How much meaning does you wasting pathetic time looking at those message to tag someone in versus actually taking the time to write your OWN personal message. Just a thought.

No this isn't directed at anyone in particular but if you do this then I'm sure you are in the category that I think are pathetic, annoying, and the type of person I either completely hide or delete as a friend.

Yes some of them I do enjoy looking at. But when its the one's about family or whatever and you are directing at a specific person..COME ON! I'm pretty sure that person doesn't care and I'm pretty sure nobody else does either. Stop wasting your time.

That is one of the things I have come to hate, things are no longer personable. Sorry but I much rather express how I feel in my own words and tell that person exactly how I feel. And really if your sitting there posting those do you really have that good of a relationship? Or are you faking something and trying to make everyone think that you do?

Sorry just annoyed. And don't take offense this isn't directed at anyone in particular. But all these groups that have popped up from searching the internet that putting up these stupid things so other people can re-share them. Really? Find something more productive to do with your day. No not referring to Pinterest because I have enjoyed that for many many months now. Not at all the same!

End of rant for the day...Who knows its still early maybe something else will "pop" up that I think really??

Just because I can

I haven't really taken any pictures of myself besides my belly..So what the hell. The most recent picture of me with my bump. :0) 16 weeks 3 days and looking pretty darn good if I do say so myself. This pregnancy is a breeze compared to the other two. We shall see though once I hit 32 weeks I'm terrified I am going to have a Makenna repeat with all the contractions and I would LOVE to not have to deal with L&D every other week and I could do without the trebutaline shots!

I cannot wait to William Alfred is home and he can be apart of all of this...SO SO SO soon and I am thrilled about that. The girls and I are definitely counting down the days and without a doubt thankful its finally MARCH! Bring on Michigan, Nevaeh's Birthday, Finding out what this baby is going to be...And by that time it will be April. :)

Happy Days here. The girls and I had a movie date to see The Lorax and they LOVED it. Perfect mommy daughter(s) day. We then went to Target got some yummy food for the next couple weeks before we leave then they came back and played in the snow for a few minutes. And they didn't have a nap so I HOPE that means no waking up through the night. I could use some solid sleep. And Nevaeh is trying out the alarm clock for the first time so we will see if she understand the concept. She picked it out herself and it changes colors. (SUPER CUTE) I want it for my room. lol

Now the day would be even better if I could hear from a certain someone. 3 days and counting without a word. Sucks! Fingers crossed that in the VERY near future I will. WAF I love you! :)

I hope everyone lease is having a wonderful weekend because without a doubt the girls and I are having a fantastic start to ours.

Very Little Patience

Ay yi yi! I swear my patience with Nevaeh has been diminishing daily. I know she is only turning 3 but the little things that she has been doing lately to act out is starting to drive me insane! She is turning into a whiney bratty spoiled little girl and I cannot take it anymore. I know a lot of it is my doing but I think for the most part I don't let her getaway with much.

I know that the majority of it has to do with the fact that her daddy isn't here either but honestly it needs to end...SOON!

She is mean to her sister once again I know its the age. But she knows better to hit and push. She will get a time out and I will turn around and she is doing it all over again.

She is now telling me "no" when I ask her nicely to go do something. Yeah that doesn't go over real well.

She cries constantly! OMG WHYYYY?! (Same with Makenna they have become ultra sensitive to EVERYTHING!) She pouts and throws tantrums and runs into a different room.

She constantly thinks that she deserves a "treat". When she knows that the only time she gets one is IF and ONLY IF she finishes all of her dinner. No Nevaeh you don't get a treat for eating your breakfast or lunch. You may get one when you have behaved well or just because I love you and think you deserve one. Not because you think you need one. And when I say 1 treat that only means 1.

I am OVER her making bedtime difficult every single night. Or her waking up 50 billion times through the night. Or her screaming bloody murder because one of her stuffed animals fell off the bed and she refuses to get out of bed and grab it herself. Or if she does get out of bed and is standing at the bottom of the stairs and I tell her to go get back in bed she runs back screaming and has a meltdown because she got out of bed and refuses to fix her blankets when she can do it just fine herself.

UGH I am frustrated that she REFUSES to poop on the potty. She has had maybe 1 pee accident in like 2 months. And she waits until she gets her pull-up on during nap and bedtime to conveniently go. When she literally just got off the potty before we put it on. Its like routine. And I can't even just leave her in her underwear because she will poop in those or fall asleep and wet the bed. And the last thing I want to be doing in the middle of the night is cleaning that nightmare of a mess. I have even told her she would receive a reward if she started going on the potty. Yep doesn't even phase her anymore.

And the fact that babies sleep better then both the girls makes me want to rip my hair out. WHY do they wake up so much during the night? It doesn't matter if they nap early, nap late, stay up late, don't nap, run around like crazy all day. Its guaranteed Makenna will wake up and Nevaeh will too. Not to mention Nevaeh thinks that she can just come upstairs and get in bed with me..Um no you have your own bed. And why she thinks that 6am is a good time to wake up I have no clue. Or then she is up in bed with me watching cartoons she has to talk to me every 10 minutes or has to ask me something. Ugh I know she is only 3 and I should understand but I am tired (overly tired) and when its the exact same thing EVERY.SINGLE.DAY!

And if its not the girls its the damn animals. I am a slave to the 4 of them. I am pretty sure I am going crazy. And no the answer isn't getting away for a couple hours because I will still come back to the madness. I need my husband home to help and I need more then a day to get away I need a week+ of relaxation not having to think, change a diaper, wash somebodies clothes, make every single meal, clean up toys...etc. I just need a break, everyone is entitled to a break. Hell people who physically go into a job even get a vacation. So how do I not deserve one as well? 3 years and I have yet to have a break over a day. (thanks mom and dad for that) I am more then ready and that is my only real request before this next baby comes I need a break!!

I know these are little trivial things but at the end of a day they start to add up. And when you are the only one taking care of them it gets pretty damn exhausting. Being a parent isn't an easy job, raising multiple children, and having to do EVERYTHING alone plain sucks. I don't enjoy it and never will enjoy taking on every single responsibility alone. I just suck it up (most days) but I think everyone deserves their vents whenever they may need them. Judge if you want but honestly I don't care.

Now to go sit down and enjoy a few minutes of peace before I go to bed. I know in a couple hours one of them will be up...

And yes Makenna is in a stage too its not just Nevaeh but Nevaeh just happened to be the one that tipped the scale tonight...

I love my girls more then anything and I do everything and anything to make sure they are properly taken care of and happy. But that doesn't mean I don't have my overwhelming moments. And it doesn't mean I love them any less because I have these moments. They are the greatest thing to ever happen to me besides my husband. So don't get it all twisted!!

Happy Moments

The last few days have been amazing. I have been able to see my husbands face and listen to his voice. We have been able to laugh and joke and for a little while be "normal". Its refreshing and rejuvenating to be able to talk to him. It lifts my spirits and overall makes me so extremely happy. I wish there was a better way to describe it. For a little while a weight is lifted off my shoulders and I am able to spend that entire day replaying the conversation over and over in my head. The image of him stays imprinted in my brain and I find myself smiling over and over again.

I'm very excited to FINALLY have a countdown until he comes home. And know that its really close. Just these next couple months to get through and I am beyond thankful that we have Michigan in 16 days that is HUGE!! Such a big break and something to take our minds of things and make time go by. I can start planning for the summer, the baby, family time, special getaways for the two of us and know that I don't have a long time to wait. I am ready to get our life started again. Gives me butterflies just thinking about it. So much to do to get ready for him to come home we will definitely be staying busy getting ready for it. Nevaeh has her "Daddy To Do List" already a mile long. She will be keeping him extra busy and I know Makenna will be pulling his hand dragging him along as well.

Today I am 16 weeks pregnant and I know that I am already starting to move slower. Carrying the girls up and down the stairs is extremely exhausting and I am always out of breath after doing so. I am not as exhausted during the day but by the time 630pm hits I am looking at the lock saying is it bedtime yet? My appetite is insane I am constantly hungry but still have no real desire to eat. Except potatoes, ketchup and taco bell (with fire sauce). Although I did eat like 10 strawberries in like 2 minutes this afternoon. So maybe another craving? Thankful all my clothes still fit as of now. I know I am going to have to make a small shopping excursion probably before Michigan to get a few things because I notice each week the belly is a bit bigger. The girls are excited about the baby which I am very happy about. Nevaeh is constantly asking about him/her and Makenna likes to give my belly kisses and say "baby". I am truly lucky to have the most wonderful little girls and most perfect husband.

I must say though that every time after I am finished skyping with Billy that I miss him even more. I am thankful for the time we get but its one of those moments where I don't ever want to say goodbye and no time is ever long enough. I get to spend time with my husband for a little bit but then we go back to living to different lives. And all the laughing, smiling, and talking about anything and everything makes me want him home just that much more. I just have to keep telling myself not much longer!

I know this post is completely random. It was mainly just an update. All 5 of us are doing well. The girls are growing every single day, crazy as ever. F3 is healthy and growing. Billy had a few days of relaxation and is moving to a new location where hopefully we will have better communication (I don't really know, and I won't know until he actually gets there). He said that he would get a hold of me tomorrow if there is access. Then he starts working again. But once again very thankful for the last few days.

What a life we live right now....

Thank you Nevaeh Faith

Its amazing the insight of a 3 year old can have. We were walking home from the park yesterday all 3 of us we holding hands because we were crossing the street and Nevaeh just randomly looks up at me and say's Mommy "You're a good mom." Then gave my hand 3 kisses. Its crazy how something that simple can have that much of an impact. To be honest this pregnancy and deployment these last couple months if you couldn't already tell have been rough. And I at times question myself as a parent just because I don't feel as though I'm playing with them enough, cooking enough, and giving them enough attention just because this pregnancy has left me sucked of any energy. And it doesn't help that the weather just sucks in general and they both absolutely love to be outside. I do make sure on the days where the weather is warm enough to make sure to get outside. But I think we all have a bit of cabin fever from being in a lot of time. So when I am questioning myself and how well I'm doing it really lifts me up and makes me realize that everything is okay because the 2 little ones that matter most right now are happy and content. And the fact that Nevaeh told me so is really all that really matters.

These moments make me appreciative that I have such an amazing mom and dad. Who have done nothing but support me and my family. They have always been there for the biggest milestones and moments. And really have picked up in the spots where Billy can't be there for. My mom was there holding my hand through the birth of Nevaeh. She would have been there for Makenna's but Makenna had her own plans and decided she much rather greet her grandma when she arrives. :) They have yet to miss a birthday for either girl and have even made it here for I believe the last 2-3 of my birthdays. They are right there skyping along as the girls are opening their Christmas presents. My dad is always calling saying "hey we are flying out to visit these days" or "we really want you guys to come visit here are plane tickets". They don't do it because they feel as though they have to but rather because they want to. And who is really going to pass up a free plane ticket to see the best people ever? And the people that the girls absolutely adore? From the beginning of my life they have always played a large supporting role in my life. And that hasn't changed at all it may be more of a backseat role where they offer the advice when I come to them. They aren't overbearing and don't try to run my life or push what they think is best on any of us. They are just there when we need them. I couldn't be more appreciative for that. They are exactly the type of parent I hope that I am now and the type I hope that I am later in life.

My brother and I are truly lucky to have them as parents. Of course each family has their ups and downs and rough moments. But there has never been a moment of doubt on whether or not if we love each other or would be there for one another. I have seen my fair share of crazy and I'm thankful extremely thankful that I don't have to worry about that. And I'm thankful to know that at anytime I can call them up...they may not answer right away LOL cause lets be real always hit or miss with them answering a phone. ;) But I know they will call back and they will be there to listen and to offer advice on what I should do. There has never been a point where they haven't been a parent or where the roles have reversed. I know that I never have to worry about that and that they will always remain that way. Of course as time goes on they will always be a parent but its nice to know that I can consider them a best friend as well.

And really what more could a daughter or even a son ask for? Caring, loving, supporting, parents who want to be involved in our lives. But aren't overbearing, pushy, or act inappropriately? They have set an amazing example to follow and I'm thankful that I do have positive role models as parents to maybe not take every single example but I can take majority of the things they have taught me and use.

Hopefully one day the girls and yet to be determined, can be able to say the same thing. And I will have the same relationship with them that I have with my parents now. I will say that I was then a successful parent.

Mom and Dad I love you and thank you for all the love and support not just for me but for Billy and the girls as well. We all think the world of you and love all the time we get to spend together may it be in person, by phone, or via Skype.

Less then 3 weeks and we will be on our way to spend some more amazing time together!

And thank you Nevaeh Faith for lifting my spirits and letting me now that I'm doing a good job. It helped me more then words will ever be able to describe and don't worry when you are older and in your teen, I will remind you that once you thought I was a good mom!

Saturday.

Today the girls and I have a few errands to run then I think since its supposed to be 60 after nap time we will go to the park. Even though Nevaeh just informed me she doesn't want to go to the park. She is ready to go to the airport to go to Grandma and Grandpa's house. She asks me a billion times a day if its time to go and then she informs me the things she will be packing in her suitcase then asks Makenna what she is going to bring. Apparently blankets and teddy bears are the essentials for the trip. :)

A couple days ago the girls and I were extremely lucky and had a Skype date with the daddy! After not seeing him in over a month and a half it was probably the best day since he left. Even though the 30 minutes always seems to fly by. It was great to catch up, laugh, and just be able to see one another. The girls were beyond excited to be talking to daddy. What a great moment it just sucks that they are such few and far between these days. But good news we received a stop mail date! No more mail is to be sent after March 15th! What a great thing considering that is less then 3 weeks from now. Good thing we just sent packages off and they should be arriving in the near future. Hopefully they make them to him soon, he is moving to another location again actually today I believe. But first he is making a stop for a 4 day 3 night "vacation". Well at least I think he still is. He sent me a message last night saying they had to finish up some things where he was then they would be leaving possibly later. Who knows? I guess I won't until I hear from him again and I have no idea when that will be.

Rather disappointed about Michigan's availability to have 3d/4d ultrasounds done. It sucks because most of the hospitals offer them just apart of the ultrasound process. Here they have tons of places you can go to have it done since the military doesn't offer them. I really wanted to go and have my parents be apart of it. But there is only 1 place and the package they offer really isn't worth the money. So I am contemplating scheduling a place here BUT having the tech put the results of what we are having in an envelope and not telling me that way when I get to talk to Billy next I can open it with him via phone or Skype. Then I can surprise everyone with the results while we are in Michigan...Decisions, decisions. The joys of being alone and pregnant, the things you have to do alone. And trying to make sure your husband is apart of everything as much as possible and doesn't make it any easier when you barely even get to talk. Makes life stressful in all aspects. Way too much thinking and deciding having to be done on my part not on just behalf of myself but him as well.

My doctors appointment went well yesterday, so thats a plus. My blood pressure was normal, thank goodness. (121/76) The crazy midwife was "concerned" because I hadn't even gained a single pound. She even made me sit there and tell her everything that I have been eating for the past 3 days she was shocked when I told her I don't drink milk. Sorry lady but its a pretty common thing. I do eat yogurt daily and other dairy products. I take tums with calcium regularly, calcium enriched orange juice. So its not like I'm not getting any calcium so back off. Then she was trying to push these mommy and me type groups on me. Sorry I have been here for 3 years I am more then capable of making my own friends nor do I have any interest sitting with a bunch of other pregnant ladies and their children. Thanks but when I tell you I'm not interested that doesn't mean you keep telling me about it. I hate when anyone acts like this is my first pregnancy and that I am completely clueless. Needless to say when she gave me a slip of paper with her name telling me to schedule another appointment with her. Um no I have the choice of choosing who I want to see again and it certainly won't be you. I much rather see my doctor who understands my wishes and respects them.

So I'm definitely thankful for the treadmill. It really helps burn off the stress or any bad moments I am having. Putting music on and just going. Probably one of the best investments we have made in a while. I will definitely be using it in a little while.

Blah random post, I think I am just procrastinating from getting ready. I hate getting myself ready and then the girls I swear it takes so much time. Okay done just sitting here...Off to get ready so we can get back.

I hope everyone has a great Saturday. We should have a decent one. Maybe i'll even surprise Nevaeh with chicken noodle soup (really its broccoli cheddar from panera bread) its her new favorite thing.

xo

The things I hate the most!

Do you ever feel the need to vent? But can't even put into words you want to vent about? Maybe its because I'm overly tired and just over things today so I am a bit more crabby and more irritated then usual. Most days I'm fantastic laughing and having fun with the girls but today everything is getting to me today. Hopefully when it gets to be afternoon and the temp goes up a bit the park with the girls will clear me of my horrible mood. So a list of my annoyances today:

1. Colorado Drivers- I have meant to complain about this but keep forgetting. I swear I have never had road rage until living here. Colorado has the world's worst drivers and if we could just run into the people who pull out in front of you making you slam on your breaks I wouldn't even think twice about it. They don't know how to merge, can't read speed signs, when a light is green it means to break through it. The left lane on the highway is obviously drive whatever speed you want even though there are specific signs all up and down the highway saying keep right left lane is meant for passing. Instead you have 3 lanes of traffic and 3 cars driving 55 all in a row. Or you have the morons who ride your ass thinking its your fault traffic is slow you finally get past the slow morons and they speed off going 100. Cause thats as safe as the idiots who drive too slow. People don't know what blinkers are here either. And one of the biggest things that piss me off why in the hell are you going to cut in front of me when there is not a single person behind me but you choose to cut into the space where there is barely even a car length between the car in front of me causing me to slam on my breaks and yes I will be swearing up a storm at you and using my horn. So its pretty simple drive the actual speed limit, pay attention and know when the right time to come over into another lane, use your blinker, and for the love of god keep right if you are going to drive 50 on the highway there are some of us who have places to go and would like to get there at a decent time. Oh and lastly you live in freaking COLORADO you should know how to drive in snow!!! Riding your break, driving 30, and riding the person's ass in front of you seriously and people wonder why there are multiple accidents every single day in this damn city....Colorado Drivers you all suck and need to go back to driving school.

2. I hate people- That doesn't mean everyone. There are quite a few people that I love and appreciate more then anything. The people I hate are the ones who think they are entitled to everything, that the world revolves around them, and that we all owe them everything. I hate people who make tons of excuses for their "problems" but don't get off their asses and fix them rather complain. Also people who ask for advice you give it to them and then they completely disregard everything you have said, why ask for advice if you already know what you are going to do in the first place? Please, don't waste my time. I hate people who think just because they read my blog, look at my pictures, or see what on my Facebook they all of sudden know everything about me, my husband, and our daughters. Yes I do tell a lot but that doesn't mean you know me as a person in the least bit. Take what I write but then if you are going to form an opinion or think you have any right to even talk about me, you're wrong. Get to know me or my family first then after you actually know us then talk all you want. And to be completely honest if you are going to talk poorly about us how could you possibly think that it wouldn't get back to us? And do you really think we want people like you in our lives? Get real! I hate rude people, sorry I'm in a store with 2 little girls but they do use their manners if they get in your way (on accident), they will say sorry and excuse me and I will as well. So if you are going to get in our way then turn around and glare like its our fault I should let me daughter walk in front of you and zig zag through the store like she does. She isn't even 3 yet and has better manners then you. Also is it really that hard to say "thank you" when me a mother with 2 children in tow hold the door open for you? Sorry next time I'll make sure to let it go in your face. And people wonder why this world sucks so much? Maybe if we were all a little nicer, didn't always think that their way is the only way, and instead of bitching actually took matters into their own hands and were more proactive at figuring things out instead of thinking that someone else should do it for them.

3. I hate cleaning and I hate laundry. The only time I will like them is when my house is clean the laundry is done and I didn't have to do it. Yes somedays I don't mind doing it but every single second of the day get real there are a billion of other things I rather be doing then scrubbing the toilet or folding someone else's underwear. But I do it not because I want to but rather because I can't stand living in a dirty house. Yes it may be messy but lets be real here I have 2 little girls another one on the way, a husband, and 2 animals. Messy is one thing but dirty is a completely different. Yes 80% of the time my floor is going to be sticky sorry I mop constantly but didn't you know the rule that a clean floor is a magnet to a little kid to spill something? After I vacuum I guarantee 20 minutes later you will find crumbs on the floor once again same rule with the mop clean floors bring a mess. Its just a fact of life us mom's have accepted. But don't get that message wrong just because my house may look like this doesn't mean my children and us as parents don't have respect for your house. Its expected for my girls to pick up any toys that they may have been playing with, I will watch them its not your job to babysit, if they make a mess, spill food, or a drink I will be right there with paper towel making sure its all picked up. My children will use manners when you offer them something. And if you have a problem with them coming over just say that versus beating around the bush. Either we can find a babysitter or we can find something better to do then be at your house where my well behaved children aren't welcome. Yes I understand some circumstances a babysitter is better but not always.

4. Last one I honestly hate talking on the phone. Don't take it personal there are only like 3 people I really don't mind talking to Billy, my mom and dad. Really its just difficult for me to talk on the phone with the girls running around, screaming and getting into everything and once again same principle with the clean floors they see a phone at my ear and they think its prime time to come talk to me or ask for something. Send me a message on facebook, email, text I will respond 100x times faster that way. Sometimes a phone call is quicker and easier if its a couple minutes that fine but if you just want to chat I probably won't answer.

Well I must say I am very happy to get that all of my chest. I feel much better. Even though I do complain about the most random things I am so extremely appreciative for those of you in our lives. It really does brighten my day seeing your messages and comments. I am constantly laughing and smiling and it does help so much. I know that I may forget to say thank you or show my appreciation sometimes but I do think it and I mean it when I say we really do have the best support system around. There are so many different things going on in our little world right now and I love all of you there are here to go on the ride with us. So much love to each and every one of you who have been understanding, supportive, and haven't judged us once instead just gave us nothing but love through the ups and downs. Thank you! I promise all of it will be reciprocated and your kindness will pay off in the end.

xoxoxo Danyelle

Love

I love this man more and more everyday.

Its the simple things he does that gets me every single time.

The little things he knows that mean the most to me and that I will always have to look back on.

The moments when we haven't talked in days, I have no clue how he is doing and then that moment we get to talk and he puts up something like this brings me closer to him then ever.

I have looked at this picture over and over today and every single time it makes me smile and think how lucky I am to have such a special man to be my husband.

Little things like this is why I may complain about deployments because the little things he does like this when he is so far away the things that he does at home when he is here are a million times better. I hate being apart but I am so proud and appreciate the scarifies that he makes while he is away.

We talked on the phone for a bit today. It was wonderful to hear his voice and just be able to catch up. He is doing good he will be around for a little bit. Always a great thing cause that means I get to talk to him again. :) Really thats about it. He is well and thats all that really matters!

3 months and counting!

William Alfred

I love you so much.

Always.

Deployments suck.

Being pregnant alone with stupid emotions you have no control over makes deployments suck even more.

Not knowing when you will hear from your husband next makes your pregnant emotions go absolutely crazy which in turn makes a deployment suck the most.

With that said we have entered double digits.

Even with this everything still sucks...And I have my middle finger up to this part of the deployment I prefer how it was before he left again.

My finger goes to you who had to "request" him to go to a different company...just him. Absolutely the most stupid part of this entire deployment and you person who made this decision blow. You have by far made this deployment 10x times worse then what it already was and I don't like you, and probably never will. If anything I'm sure at the homecoming you will be the only one I'll be glaring at. And heaven forbid if anything happens to my husband my sole blame will be placed on you, thats a promise. I am thankful for the people who did try to keep him and stay, that I do appreciate.

And this whole everyone has communication thing is a big sack of crap. Don't believe it when they said you will hear how things are going or how everyone is. Not true..some FRG's are awesome others suck more then the others.

I cannot wait to get out of Colorado Springs and away from Ft. Carson! That countdown is on as well.

Thats all for today.

Happy Friday

The girls and I were decently productive today, we were dressed before 10am. Thats quite an accomplishment and even out the door by 1015. We went to the AFB Commissary to go grocery shopping. I figured that we had gone at a good enough time that it wouldn't be too busy. Boy was I wrong, it was swarming with old people. And I don't mean that in a bad way except they don't know how to "park" their carts so we are trying to maneuver around them or we are waiting for 5 minutes for them to pick out their fruits and vegetables. I swear one lady kept moving her cart blocking everyone's way as she was looking at lunch meat. Really its that hard of a decision to pick one? So it took us a lot longer then I thought it would. But we had a blast and Nevaeh has turned into such a big helper grabbing things for me and putting them in the cart. She did grab a few things that weren't on our list but that happens whenever we go.

When we got home she even helped me put everything away. At one point she grabbed a juice box for Makenna. I asked her if she was going to have one and she told me not until she was done helping me. I definitely got a good chuckle out of that.

We also picked out her birthday theme that way I can get everything ordered and make sure it all arrives at my parents before we get there. One less thing we will have to do to prepare for her party when we arrive....Theme to be reviled with her party invitations. I need to get on that ASAP. So hopefully they will be mailed out next week sometime. I can't believe in a month I will have a 3 year old. Where has the time gone? They are both growing like crazy.

We don't have any plans for this weekend. We just sort of take the day is it comes. The weather is still a bit too cold for the park, which sucks. I'm sure we will find something tomorrow to do. Tonight I just have dinner left to make then we are just going to hang out and watch movies. Probably have a popsicle and popcorn.

We are missing the daddy like crazy. Nevaeh has been on a playing spree of all the things she wants to do as soon as he gets home. Number 1 would be taking the train up to the top of pikes peak. She talks about it daily. She is going to keep him busy!

Things are going great here. No complaints except for just wanting to hear from Billy. Hoping I hear from him soon, but not getting my hopes up too high. Easier that way.

Anyway I hope you all have a wonderful 3-4 day weekend. We will enjoy it everyday is a weekend for us right now. :)

I need a hobby..

I really need to find something to do during the day to keep my occupied. Yes I know photography and I want to continue to pursue that. But I just mean something small I can pick up when say the girls are napping or running around in the basement like crazy ladies. Something i can pick up and go through out the day.

I am finding myself getting extremely bored. Once the weather changes that will be different because we are always outside at the park, in the backyard, or at the zoo. But since the weather still sucks I'm a bit stir crazy.

I am really contemplating teaching myself how to crochet its the only thing I can really think of doing. I love making the girls bows still but they are starting to get to the point where they really don't want to have anything to do with them. And if we end up having a boy obviously thats a no go.

I don't know how to sew...Although thats another thing I wouldn't mind learning. Baking eh I do enjoy it but I hate cleaning up the mess afterwards. To bad the girls aren't old enough to empty/load the dishwasher or wash dishes. They try but I just end up with a bigger mess then what I started with.

I can't draw or paint. Yeah I know so many options right? Maybe I'll actually get dressed and drag the girls to JoAnn's and wander to find something to possibly spark my interest. Hahaha, maybe I'll walk out with a sewing machine? Doubtful, I would know how to plug it in but thats about it.

Any suggestions on a hobby? Something to keep me occupied? Nothing completely crazy and not ridiculously expensive. And something I can quickly throw-down in case my rugrats are getting into something, like usual.

I am getting bored sitting here twiddling my thumbs..

Valentines Day!

Febraury 14, 2012 - 14 weeks pregnant :)

I'm must say I was quite surprised when I received a phone call while going through McDonald's drive through (french fry treat for us girls on Vday). It was a florist delivery guy saying he was in my driveway wanting to drop off a flower arrangement. Well obviously I wasn't at home so I just said leave them by the front door we will be there in 5 minutes or so since we were just down the road.

Pulled in the driveway to see this large collection of goodies. By this time my mind was racing on Who could have sent this to us. Obviously I was thinking my amazing husband but I really had no clue when he would have time to do this. I do remember him saying don't look at the bank account to closely before he left KAF. But didn't really put two and two together.

Well such a sweet surprise when I did see it was from him and then the love daddy to the girls. Such a wonderful treat to know that in the last 2 1/2 weeks we have talked a total of 6 minutes and even further in advance he had taken the time to prearrange for us to receive Valentines. Its the little things like this that make me fall in love with him more and more. He knows me all to well that I get bummed when he isn't here for something but he always manages to surprise me and make it special anyway. Very grateful that he takes the time to do little (BIG) things like that.

The biggest bummer not being able to say Thank you right away or how beautiful the flowers are. I haven't tried the chocolate yet. Nevaeh did just ask me to open the red present. Or to be able to tell him that the teddy bears haven't left the girls sides and they even took their nap with them. (Just what they need another teddy bear in their beds at night soon they won't even have room to sleep...the most special presents though are the ones from daddy when he is so far away)

(From Mommy & Daddy)

Also have to give a "shout-out" to (Great) Gma & Gpa Hyet for the Vday cards the girls went straight to their piggy banks with their $2 dollar bills and we will be enjoying Panera Bread very soon. Thank you very much for thinking of us it means the world to us! We love you lots. <3

I am so thankful for such wonderful family and friends. We really do have the best around. So much love and support its so great to know that so many people care and take the time to see how we are doing. I will never be able to fully express my gratitude because it really does mean so much to me. The kind words really do help bring me up and helps me get through the day. It puts a smile on my face and gives me that little bit of extra strength to push through the rest of the day.

Days like today aren't about the gifts or materialistic things. Its simply the kind words you can say to a person to let them know that you care and are thinking about them. Yes the gifts are nice who doesn't enjoy a gift now and again but at least let it be for the right reasons and not because you feel like you have to give something to someone because its a "holiday".

Even though my husband isn't here I am going to enjoy this day with my little ladies. We will think about him while we are eating our chocolates and snuggling up to the teddy bears and looking at the beautiful flowers.

Happy Valentines Day to everyone and just because you are single doesn't mean this day isn't there for you as well. Lots of love to everyone today and every single day.

William Alfred, Thank you for once again surprising the girls and I and making a so-so day a fantastic day. You put smiles on all of our faces and made us miss you even more. We are getting closer to you being home. Love love love you, From your girls +F3 xoxoxo

PS. To see pictures of the girls with their teddy bears check out my Facebook page. *Kenna even has pig tails her hair. Its FINALLY getting long enough to do "some" stuff to it.

Perfection

Thats the best way to describe this night. I want to cry tears of happiness. These last 2 weeks have been long and exhausting. But just hearing the word "Babies" makes all of that disappear. Those long hard days don't matter anymore. I know my husband is safe, I got to hear that he loves me and misses me. I got to hear him laugh and know just by the sound of his voice that he was smiling and for that brief moment nothing else mattered. So very thankful for the littlest things. And how chance just plays apart of him being able to call. So extremely grateful and now I know I won't be having bad dreams tonight.

I miss him like crazy and thank goodness the days until he comes home are almost in double digits. Probably one of the best phone calls I have had in a very very long time.

I love my husband so very much and I miss him more then anything. This is one of those moments where I will hold onto it for a very long time.

I needed that phone call, I needed to hear his voice. I needed to hear I love you.

6 minutes, 6 perfect minutes.

Brrr!

Its freezing outside today. Woke up to snow on the ground and the temperature is only 12 degrees right now. The girls and I went out though and mailed off a package. :) And then went to Target we got a bunch of goodies for the daddy 2 boxes worth. I did forget a couple things so we will be trekking back out tomorrow at some point to get the remaining items. I also bought Breaking Dawn because I haven't seen it yet so I think it will be my evening activity. The girls are napping right now with their new bouncy balls that they picked out...I couldn't say no when I had both of them freaking out about them. Makenna was SO loud the entire time we were in the store pointing and shouting at everything. It was ridiculous!

Nevaeh is dying to go outside and make a snowman but unfortunately there isn't enough snow and its fluffy snow so not packing snow man making snow. She is extremely disappointed and I don't think she would last very long out there with the temperature. Its pretty to look out the window though. Maybe tomorrow we will adventure out and play...If Billy was here I would make him take them out and play. I would prefer spring or summer right about now! So the girls can go run in the backyard we can set up the pool, go to the park, zoo, all that fun kind of stuff...Nevaeh has been asking to go feed the giraffes for months now. Trust me baby girl I am more then ready for that as well.

Definitely a cuddly relaxing type of afternoon/evening. I am off to snuggle on the couch and watch a bit of tv and maybe take a quick nap myself. Perfect little Saturday.

2 weeks and counting...Fingers crossed I will hear something soon.

Lazy Day

For the most part we had a lazy day today. We stayed in our pajamas most of the afternoon and just hung out. The girls played with their toys as I used our new treadmill for the first time. I am in love with it. I am so excited about having it, its so quiet and easy to use. I felt great afterwards and even jogged for the last 5 minutes. Its amazing what a little bit of exercise can do for a person. I drank a bunch of water to make sure I rehydrated had a sub-par breakfast. I was disappointed in the breakfast scrambler I bought. Makenna on the other hand absolutely loved it and pretty much ate all of it. At least it didn't go to waste.

The girls played downstairs for a while this afternoon the basement is pretty much just a giant play area for them and they just go crazy. Even the cat and dog go down and play. Nevaeh really wanted to go outside today but it was a bit chilly. I wish the weather would warm up a little bit so they could play outdoors but I just don't want to take the chance right now. They have both been running fevers on and off for some reason. Not to mention Makenna has 4 more teeth coming in making her beyond irritable and crabby. The slightest thing makes her cry and 90% of the time she is attached to my hip. I don't mind one bit but I could do without the crying.

Tomorrow we are going to finish putting together the daddy's first package since he has been gone. He has a list of things that he wanted and random things he forgot. Plus we have to add some extra goodies. :) We also have Royce, Dante, and Giovanni's valentines to send out. The girls are extremely proud of what they picked out and mad that they don't get to keep them. They just had to show grandma on Skype tonight what they picked out. Then I think after the post office I really want to hit up Babies R Us and possibly buy the babies new carseat.

I also have plans to take Nevaeh's 3 year pictures and get her birthday invitations out that way its one less thing to worry about and we will be there in about a month. I haven't really taken actual sit-down photos with her for a while so fingers crossed she will actually cooperate because she has not been very good with that in the past. It will be interesting to say the least. I may try to get a few of Makenna and the both of them together as well...Depending on their attitudes. I suppose I could always bribe them in chocolate.

I think that is really the most important parts of our day today and our plans for tomorrow. The girls are cuddled up on my bed watching an episode of Fresh Beat Band on netflix before they go to sleep. Once they are this mommy will be curling up to enjoy a bit of peace and quiet then catching some zzz's.

Its been a long day even though we haven't done much. I really just want Makenna's teeth to come in asap because she is miserable and in turn makes everyone else feel the same!

So make sure to check out my Facebook for the preview of the birthday pictures. I'm sure I'll have some up early afternoon tomorrow that way I can get them printed and mailed off.

13 days and counting with no word on the husband. I know he is fine and when he gets a chance he will let me know how he is. I just wish it was sooner then later.

goodnight!

12 days

12 days since I last heard my husbands voice or new how he was doing. I miss him. There are moments when things get rough and I feel alone. This is one of those times. I don't want to hear that I am strong and blah blah blah...

Just for right now I would like to be that weak wife that just wants her husband home and safe. Or at least a phone call or message saying "Hi, I'm fine. I love you".

12 days isn't that many in reality but when it does to your mind and leaves you wondering. What it does to your dreams...

For this moment I will be weak I will cuddle up in my bed and cry because I miss him. I think I have right to that.

Go figure I would let the dog out at 10pm to hear Taps playing loud and clear....Blah sometimes this life just sucks.

Tomorrow I'll be strong again but for now I just need to let it all out.

The Little Things...

Deployments are tough.

I think that statement stands alone. I don't like to say that they are tougher on a single person during the year when that person is gone, everyone experiences there own ups and downs through out the time period. We all cope and try to get through it in our own different ways. I personally find it difficult when people try to compare or say they understand, when how could they? Besides those who have their significant other ripped away from them, left to raise children, take care of the house, step up and be mom or dad. We are the ones who have to pick up the pieces, explain why they are gone, sleep alone, worry, keep everyone informed. We are the ones who have to be strong when thats our only choice. We cry during the National Anthem, long for our significant other when we see someone in uniform. We are the ones who cheer when one of our friends gets to reconnect with their loved one whether it be R&R or a Homecoming. We are the ones being the support of our fellow Military Community letting them know we are right there with them every step of the way. We celebrate life and we mourn death. We are the ones in the background trying to just make it through the day. ( I can't speak for my husband or the one who is deployed. I listen to the things he says, he is the one away missing out on everything here and dealing with his own hardships and battles (no pun intended at all there). BUT I can't personally put into words how he or how anyone in that situation feels because I haven't been on that side of the fence)

For me this blog is therapeutic, I love to write, thats me. I have always done so. (ask my parents, I'm sure at some points I drove them crazy) I don't write this blog for anyone in particular except maybe the girls and for my husband so they can have memories to look back on one day. Honestly every time that I write a post I don't expect anyone to even read what I have to say. I appreciate all of you that do take the time to read my words. Can sympathize, can laugh, cry, cheer, and enjoy all the special moments I share. It really does mean the world to me that you (yes you) take the time to read my ramblings. That you want to be apart of our lives. We are just a little family of 4 (soon to be 5) that just love one another so much and find the most joy in being together and having fun. We love to laugh, play, dance around, hang out all day in our pajamas. We don't miss an opportunity to be little kids with our kids. We are big goofballs that are a bit weird but we compliment each other and we know one another better then anyone could know us. Its not something we have to work at because we just love each other and when you love someone so much marriage, friendship, being a parent really shouldn't be work. Yes it can be hard and trying at times but even those moments that are more down then up its a learning experience it shows you where you need to adjust things a little bit or fix the mistakes that you may have made. I am no where near perfect and I am forever trying to make things better with being a parent and wife (as well as daughter, sister, granddaughter, and friend) but isn't that what life is? Everyday we are learning and growing and making ourselves better for the people around us. We do our best and thats all we can do others can either take it or leave it and those people that truly matter take every single little part of you and love you just the same. I'm thankful that I do have those people in my life, they make each day worth living, smiling, they make these deployments a bit easier to deal with and cope when days are rough.

When I say its the little things...Those are the things that make deployments rough. Its hard enough being alone for a year without the person who means everything to you but then put them in a situation where you really have not a single clue how they are doing from day to day. You just wait for that message, phone call, or means of communication that lets you know they are okay. Fine we've got that covered. It sucks we all get that. But its the little things that get me. When I have to tuck my little girls in at night alone and give them double the hugs and kisses because the person who is there by my side every single night doing it with me isn't there gets to me. Something as simple as giving them a bath and wanting to walk in and see a complete disaster not because they did something but rather daddy decided to fill the bath with a half a container of bubble bath, or he is sitting there right beside them splashing away. Putting them in the car alone, its nice having that extra set of hands helping out, or even just having him here to drive where ever we may be going. Its somebody to sit at the table at night and yell at the girls because they rather play with their food and blow bubbles in their drink. Its the littlest thing as seeing those god damn boots, pts, acus/multicam, rolled up socks, nasty tan t-shirts thrown all over the house. Most of all its the smallest thing as getting your own kiss goodnight and being able to sleep in peace knowing that your entire family is under one roof safe and you can sleep at ease knowing where each of them are. Its having someone to go the "special doctor appointments with". Or watching our daughters grow, I HATE having to catch it on video or get a picture, trying to remember every single little detail so I can tell him later. I just want him here to experience it all for himself.

BUT...

The best part? I could never change a thing. I have gained a new appreciation for life and day to day moments. The silliest things that sometimes shouldn't be important I now and again find myself clinging too. I treasure my family and friends so much more. I don't take for granted the impact a video or a picture can have. I still sit down and write letters, the letters I have received from my husband are some of my most treasured items. I take the time to appreciate the smallest thing because he isn't here to enjoy it and I want to make sure that I make the absolute most of something for him as well. I am so thankful for our life and love the ups, the downs, the in betweens. It just keeps getting better and I never want it to end, regardless of the path we may end up on I know we will be just fine because we have each other, our children, families, and friends.

Told You So!

Nevaeh just came running into the kitchen...

MAKENNA IS BEING NAUGHTY! SHE TURNED ON THE WATER....

The hot water.

All I can do is shake my head.

They are just like their daddy. ;)

Good Day

The girls and I had a really good day today. Its so nice in the mornings not having to wake up for anyone but them. They climb into bed with me munch of some type of breakfast food and watch cartoons until about 8am. Nevaeh is usually in the room around 6-630 and most of the time Makenna is still sleeping when we go into the living room and start getting ready for the day. Now if Nevaeh could just figure out how to sleep in a bit longer. So once we were all awake we got ready for the day, no rush but I wanted to get out of the house fairly early so we could make our way to the County Clerk so we could register our new car and get the plates. I am so thankful for some of the military "perks". In Colorado if you purchase a vehicle you can just fill out a simple form and it waives the taxes, can't beat that because it would have been a "pretty penny" if we were to register the car in Michigan. And our fee is even less then what we pay for the saab. So you can't beat that.

I am so thankful that I do have such well behaved girls and I can take them anywhere and not have to worry about them going crazy. Of course I brought Nevaeh's leap pad and the iPad along incase if it was a long wait but it was maybe 7-8 minutes before our number was called. We were out within 15-20 minutes. They shared a chair and quietly sat and played their games while I took care of everything. Its also a relief to be prepared and to have everything you need so there are zero worries and not having to go back later. I always get nervous when I have to do stuff like that alone because lets be honest my luck sucks and I always seem to miss something. And I had been stressing about having to deal with doing this for a while. That was supposed to be SOMEONES job before he left but didn't have a chance. So I had to take care of it. Well I did it and I am definitely proud of myself and now can offer advice if anyone runs into the same issue that I did. But really having the girls act right makes things even easier because I can focus on what needs to be taken care of and know they are just going to sit there. Thank you thank you Nevaeh and Makenna for listening to me so well.

Their reward a trip to the mall! Thats a win, win situation. Go figure as soon as we arrive Nevaeh says she is hungry and wants chicken and fries. Thats my girl! So Chick Fil A it was. Nothing like lunch at 1045/11ish. Then we went to The Children's Place, Nevaeh is growing like crazy as is Makenna but Nevaeh is the one who needs the new clothes since we don't have any for her size. But I can't just buy Nevaeh stuff without buying Makenna things as well. So they both got a few new outfits and Nevaeh just HAD to carry the bag. She was quite persistent on that, but when isn't she? Then, we just sort of wandered around for a little while..I don't have a problem with that its nice to get out of the house.

Then another of Nevaeh's demands was the car was just so dirty so we had to go to the car wash. So now the car is nice and clean. I did have to wake her up because she fell asleep in the car and was like "Oh wow" once she realized we were in the car wash. LOL love her. Makenna dozed on and off obviously not that big of a deal to her. haha

Now I was just told its bath time and as I type this Nevaeh is throwing all the bath toys into the tub and I am the one who just turns the water on. So I guess this is the end of this post because I know if I don't get in there in the next couple minutes, Makenna will take it upon herself to turn the water on and that is never a good idea.

They definitely keep me busy but I wouldn't have it any other way.