My Best Friend

I must say that I am one lucky lady. Just for the simple fact that William Alfred Feldhahn is not just my husband but the most perfect best friend a wife and/or friend could possibly imagine having. I know, I know ridiculously corny. But its the truth.

7000 miles away and we always manage to be thinking the exact same thing. I'll bring something up or he will and its something we had both been contemplating talking to the other person about. Or we will type the same thing and the exact same time, its just a matter of who pushes enter the fastest. :)

I just feel really lucky because even though he is in Afghanistan and has a million different things to worry about he always takes the time to call, send, a message, just to tell me that he loves me and that he is doing okay. I am very thankful that he has well not necessarily has the time but makes the time to listen if I am having a problem or need to just vent. And that he will instantly try to think of ways to solve the problem. He may not be able to do much other then just listen most of the time and just be supportive but most of the time thats all that I need. I always feel like a completely different person after those conversations, I feel refreshed and ready to take on anything until I need to have another one of those "pep-talks". Some would think that being so far away from a husband or wife would make you grow apart but deployments always seem to bring us closer. The little things that they do at home to help you out that you take for granted when they go away seem to become more vivid and bright and you think "hmm they really did do something important even if it was as simple as taking the garbage to the curb or mowing the lawn". So thank you William for those little things that you do that I take for granted when you are here.

I am one of those lucky wives with the husbands that other wives say I wish mine was more like him. I'm not sure how I managed to snag such a wonderful guy, but I'm very very happy that he is all mine.

Not to mention what an incredible daddy he is! Nevaeh and Makenna are the luckiest little girls to have such a great daddy. And there isn't a day that goes by that we don't talk about daddy and how much we miss him and all the hugs and kisses he is going to get when we see him again.

...Of course us girls are counting the days until he is home.

WAF/Daddy we just love you always.

Friends

We all need good friends and I have found that really good friends are hard to find here. I've been here for over 2 years now and I can count all the friends that I consider close friends on 1 hand. I think that is really sad. But making friends here is really difficult for some reason. I'm not really sure what it is. But I know a lot of people that feel the same way. Its really hard to explain. It seems like all your friends end up being those who are apart of the military as well and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. As nice as it is to make friends who know what you are going through its also nice to have other friends who don't live the life.

It really does make for things to be even more lonely when deployment time comes. The person who you are used to spending most of your time with your "real" bestfriend is gone. So when they are gone its like "now what". I can only handle so much child conversation before I need adult conversation as well. But I am now more guarded because of being burned way too many times by people here. I help them out from babysitting, letting them live in my home, many other little things and I am just taken advantage of. So looking for the friendship where I don't have anything to worry about that its really hard to find. I don't do drama and I prefer things to be just laid back.

I guess it does make me a lot more thankful for those amazing friendships I have created (Jessica/Kevin/& Boys)/(Samantha/Jeremiah) and make me miss them so much more when they aren't close by any longer. The girls even miss the friendships with the kids and they create bonds and when they are so young its so hard to explain why you can't spend time with them anymore. Thank goodness for the internet and text messages so we can all stay connected.

It kind of makes me want to leave Colorado to be quite honest. I'm just tired of not finding really good connections and feeling bored. I know there is so much to do here. And we are constantly doing different things. But I long for the beach, I'm tired of dealing with winter. I guess if I had more activities that I love to do it would make things a lot more easier when my bestfriend is gone for a year. And just maybe the friends would be easier to make wherever we would end up. And I really do have a few places in mind where I would absolutely love to go, but for the most part that isn't my decision just my longing to get away from a place that isn't friendly and a place I am honestly growing to hate.

I really think this city isn't very friendly we have lived in this house for a year and I have talked to maybe 2-3 of our neighbors. The girls and I are constantly outside every single day playing. Nobody was welcoming or even remotely nice. I don't know anyone in our neighborhood and there are tons of military families. I am always smiling and saying hi to people. I have had a couple conversations with people at the park. But its usually old guys with 50+ kids (no joke). Not to mention I am out cutting the grass 2 times a week or washing the car. The girls are running around being silly people don't even smile or say hi when they walk past. It sucks especially when you are used to a town where everyone knows everyone and they would stop and talk and do just about anything to help you out. Like if you were walking in the rain they would stop and ask if you needed a ride home. (it happened many times) Or when you move into a new place they are bringing over cookies and just introducing themselves to the neighborhood. At my parents I know every single neighbor in the cul de sac. I could let Maddy and Holly (my parents dog) outside and if they happened to run across the street it was because the neighbors are out and they just wanted to say hi. If they were having a party just about everyone would be invited. I just miss that closeness and bond and the easiness of knowing everyone around you. I miss the friendliness of neighbors and being able to go for walks and not being able to make it very far because when you past certain houses and if people were outside they would want to stop and chat. I just miss knowing people and going to the grocery store and sometimes having to run and duck into different isles because you see someone who you know will end up talking to you for 30 minutes. (usually though that is just when we go with my dad or grandpa) :)

I can honestly say I miss the small town life where everyone knows your business I wouldn't mind going back to that as long as I had friendly neighbors and some solid friendships. But at the same time I would take living in a large city as long as I had all the fun things that I really enjoy doing. As much as I love living here in Colorado I don't really think it is a place I want to stay. I have tons of family who lives an hour away and besides my Aunt (THANK YOU!) nobody has every come and visited. They don't know where we live, have my phone number, they have never met Makenna its sad that my own grandmother doesn't know who granddaughter or great granddaughters are and have more opportunities then their own grandparents to spend time with them and doesn't even bother to try and make that happen. So I am basically saying screw Colorado and would love to be anywhere but here.

But at the same time I am not knocking any of the friendships I have made here. Because there are a lot of friendships that I will have for life and would come back and visit without even thinking twice. (Preston/Jenna) I just wish I could pick those friends and carry them along with me wherever we may go. But I have just come to realize lately that this isn't the place for me. And 3 or so years here is more then enough.

My Photography Page

So I have finally started a separate photography page from my regular facebook page. What a big step. I am really excited about all the possibilities and things that can come from this. I really hope it benefits. I am taking Military homecoming pictures for a friend this weekend, still not sure of the exact date (thats the army for you). But I am very excited about doing homecoming pictures for her. Even though it may make me a little sad since Billy has only been gone for 4 weeks but none the less I am super excited for her. Her husband is coming home safe after a year!!

Keep your fingers crossed for me on this new adventure...And you can go along for the ride by checking out the pictures.

Summer Time

Summer time is by far the favorite season in this house. We are loving every minute that its hot outside. I bought the girls a swimming pool after Billy left and we are taking full advantage of it. Nevaeh is finally getting comfortable enough in it where she doesn't have to hold onto the edge and she will walk right through the middle. (this is a huge accomplishment) Makenna absolutely loves her start floaty and she just splashes around the pool in it. They both love going for walks and just being outside in general. I love that we have the park a block away so Nevaeh can go run around and go on the slide. Makenna enjoys the swing and Nevaeh doesn't like it that much.

So I used to love cutting the grass well I don't so much anymore, especially when I have to cut it 2-3 times a week. It gets to be a jungle in the backyard in just a few days. So that will be a task that I take on this morning. When I just did it on Saturday.

Oh another "job" that I do not enjoy taking the garbage to the curb! The worst part is I forget about it I'm already in bed. So I have to get out of bed and go outside and take it out. So stupid. How we forget the simplest things our husbands do and then when you are stuck doing them yourself. You think hmmm I guess they did do something around the house after all! :)

Another thing we love to do during the summer time is visit the zoo. We are so thankful for grandparents who give awesome birthday presents! We definitely make use of our zoo membership. Its probably one of Nevaeh's favorite places of all time right now. She asks daily to go see animals. She loves the hippos, elephants, she loves the giraffes as long as she doesn't have to feed them and can just watch. She likes the monkey, tiger, and a few others. I swear she knows her way around the zoo better then I do!

Summer Time is by far the favorite season in this house!

William Alfred

William Alfred on patrol

Afghanistan

So the main point of this post was just putting pictures up of the patrols William has been on. They are definitely staying extremely busy from patrols and pulling guard its none stop. He does get a free minute here and there to workout, call us, and skype. We are very thankful for that. Most of the time when we do get to talk it cuts into his sleeping time. So we really appreciate the fact that he does that for us. Makenna gets so excited when she sees daddy on the computer, Nevaeh has her good days and bad days. Some days she will have entire conversations with him, then other days she hides her face and just stares at him. :/ This morning she asked where daddy was. I asked her back where he was..and she goes "Daddy bye bye, naughty boys." That was the best way I could explain to her where he was. That he had to go bye bye on an airplane and get the naughty boys! She understands on her level and misses him like crazy! She just gets into her moments where she will go on and on about him being gone and wanting to go in the cool car and get him.

So it will be a very special reunion when we see him again. Which will be sometime in March. That is when he is taking leave. Fingers crossed that he will be here for Nevaeh's 3rd bday. If he is that means he hasn't missed any of her birthdays, well except for her actual birth. So thats huge!! So only 9 months to go until that happens. :)

William walking through a creek

Here he is now climbing out of the creek.

This is their medic climbing over the wall. They obviously have a lot of obstacles to get where they are going. They can't take the easy way because of booby-traps.

Billy crossing through the water versus on the log.

This is Oberly going across the log to get to the other side. The thing of his back is a ladder so they can get over some of the really high walls they just can't climb over.

Walking through a creek.

Why do some areas have to look so pretty?

I hope you enjoy the pictures as much as we do. Billy also tells me that they grow just about everything there as well. They walk through tons of orchards and he has had grapes, peaches, hmm there was another fruit I can't remember what it was. But then they also grow corn. And he has even bought some from of the locals and he is just waiting on them to be delivered.

"You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you." - Frederick Buechner

Packages!!

The kaos behind putting packages together, the worst part is all the stuff you buy then trying to cram it all into those tiny "large" flat rate boxes. I always end up having to use at least 2 boxes. 1 Box is NEVER enough!!

I love being able to send letters and packages now! We actually started sending letters last week and we sent out our first bunch of packages today (3 of them). And they are full of a variety of things. One is specifically a father's day package and I think by far the best part is the card that Nevaeh picked out. Its absolutely hilarious. I wont ruin the surprise for Billy so once he does get it, I will fill everyone in on what it was. But I will say it was probably the most expensive one she could find at $7! But she was so proud of it so how could I not get it? So now we are playing the waiting game to see how long it takes for him to get them. I also made his favorite: No Bake Cookies!! Lets see how long those last he usually eats them all in one day when I send them to him. Hopefully he can spread it out a bit so he can actually enjoy and know what they taste like! :p (if anyone is interested in sending a package or letter let me know and I will give you his address!)

Nevaeh really wanted to be one of Daddy's packages!

She was evening showing me that she could fit with the box closed, if that doesn't tell you how much she loves her daddy!

Since we weren't able to celebrate Father's Day with Billy this year. He missed his first father's day with Nevaeh and now has also missed his first father's day with Makenna. Got to keep up the trend right? ;) But anyway we decided to make a giant sign for daddy to let him know even though he isn't here he is definitely being thought about.

This picture took about 15+ tries. Finally we got one that worked. They both love to be difficult when the other one is smiling cute. Go figure, just like daddy.

One of the things I have been doing while Billy has been gone is taking at least 1 picture of the girls a day. So we will have 365 days of photos, I haven't missed a day yet! Its so much fun to go back and look at the pictures and I can't wait until the year is over so we can watch and see how both girls have grown and progressed. They have already grown so much in the past 3 weeks! I swear Nevaeh is so much taller, talking so much more clear. Makenna is a mad woman crawling everywhere, she has stood on her own a few times, and she has her two bottom teeth. Why do they have to grow so fast?

Bath time is probably one of their absolute favorite times. The more bubbles the better the bath!

Lately, it seems like we are so busy running errands that neither girl really get a nap. So I find them passed out in the most random spots of sleeping in the most uncomfortable positions. It usually works out in my favor with Makenna and she will sleep from between 8-10. But Nevaeh on the other hand will still wake up at 6am telling me she is hungry and then barely even eat anything. So I just throw her in bed with me, turn on the disney channel and sleep until my alarm goes off.

"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bank balance smaller, home happier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for."

And we just happened to get lucky and have that times 2.

Lets Play Catch Up

Goodness where do I even start?! Things have been absolutely nuts around here. But like that is anything new, something always happens as soon as Billy leaves for any period of time. So why mess up the trend now?

Before he had even left Makenna had started breaking out in these horrible rashes. Where they covered her entire body. We took her into the doctor 3 different times to be told something different each time. She was put on an antihistamine as well as a steroid cream to help with the rash. They did blood work to check for allergies and we have gone around in circles about this and the doctors are absolutely clueless and I am beyond over them. We came to our own conclusion that it was the dogs causing the problem. She would only break out when she would go into their kennel, used a blanket they had laid on, or when she was touched by them. So jumping ahead to a few days ago I made the decision to re home Grover and Sheldon. They both went to great homes. And as of now Makenna hasn't had any breakouts and her skin is looking so much better.

Now back to 3 weeks ago. McKinzie the little girl I babysit for started getting sick in the beginning of the week. She wasn't eating and threw up a few times. Well by Wednesday the 1st..Makenna had caught whatever stomach bug she had. She woke up around 3am and thrown up her dinner all over in her crib and all over herself. Hot dogs are definitely not something that you want to smell for a second time! So I had two girls sick on Thursday. Then in the middle of the night going into Friday Nevaeh woke up crying and saying "mommy" I went down and checked on her and she had thrown up all over herself as well. So she got to stay in mommy's room like Makenna had Wednesday night. She threw up one more time at 7am we rushed into the bathroom and thankfully we made it except for a little miss right in front of the toilet. So Friday I had 3 sick girls who just laid around all day extremely miserable. On Saturday I called the ER pediatrician and asked if they needed to be brought in, he said no as long as they were getting fluids and having wet diapers and to just keep trying to get some type of food in them. By then both had also had diarrhea..so much fun let me tell you. Both girls had to be cleaned in the shower a couple times. So by Thursday Nevaeh was 100% and Makenna still wasn't eating, drinking, and had awful diarrhea (sorry if its to much info)...I called the nurses line and was told that I needed to bring her into the ER because she needed to be looked at. Well we went in and just waited and waited! We were there for 5 1/2 hours for them to poke her 4 times unsuccessfully for an IV and blood. And what little blood they did get told us she had low blood sugar. (Obviously since she hadn't been eating or drinking) Since they couldn't get an IV to give her fluids instead they gave me a popsicle for her. Riiight she had 1/2 and then they said give her a bottle. Um HELLO thats what I've been doing for over a week. She did end up drinking some of it. But she left with a diaper that was as dry as when we left and were told nothing. It was pointless and it still makes me mad and she still has bruises from it all!! Thank goodness she is better now but it really did take until Sunday for her to be "normal" again.

So like I said on Thursday and Friday both of the dogs new owners came and got them. It was absolutely horrible to do. Nevaeh screamed and bawled as Grover was leaving and asked about him all night long. Even while she was in bed going to sleep she kept talking about Grover. :/ She is still asking about him and wanting to go in the cool car to get him. She was upset as Sheldon left as well. I keep telling her that they make Makenna sick and she seems to accept that answer so we will see.

I think that is it about the problems I have been having since Billy left. Thank goodness everyone is healthy finally, and we are slowly getting into a regular routine. Now if time would just start going by faster, things would be great, considering its just the 3 of us.

Deployment Number #2 Underway

Three weeks ago yesterday deployment number two began.

Billy left for Afghanistan on Saturday, May 28th.

What an awful day it was, we all had a great day together and we made sure to take a family picture before he left. (Which is the picture above)

The day sort of dragged along but at the same time the hours just ticked on by. It was inevitable that we were soon going to be saying goodbye. I suck at goodbyes plain and simple. But honestly who wants to say goodbye to their husband and father of their children for an entire year?

Its probably one of the hardest moments I have had to experience, and I know each one is going to get harder and harder. People who don't live this lifestyle don't really understand how difficult it really is. After you say goodbye and watch him walk away for a year, you then have to muster whatever strength you have left to drive away.

I didn't drive away for a while, I waited and waited and then I waited some more.

I waited until there were only a few guys left to have their name called to go inside for lockdown. Do you know how hard it is then to go home, put your kids to bed alone and then you yourself crawl into bed without your husband. I cried myself to sleep which took a while.

I think the worst part is not knowing.

Not knowing where he is or when you will hear from him to just know he made it ok.

Thankfully I did receive a phone call on their stop in Maine and then once he arrived in Manas we were actually able to Facetime a couple times. One of the best moments was just seeing his face. We may have only talked for a few minutes but just to be able to see him maybe everything worth while. The next time after that I heard from him when he arrived at Kandahar Air Field. He sent me a message letting me know he had made it, and I also talked to him on the phone once or twice. I can't remember exactly how many times but I think it was two.

After that he made it to his final destination and thankfully they do have internet and phones so we do get to talk every few days. We even get to skype!! And that is huge considering where he is located. (we like this a lot!!) The girls love being able to see daddy, and of course I do too. Even if we don't have much to talk about its just the fact that you can see the other person. I just like it because I can see for myself that he is ok. He may look exhausted and yawn every few minutes because he is working his butt off, but he stays there talking to us. (thank you WAF for that we appreciate it, and it means the world to us that instead of sleeping or doing whatever you are there talking to us)

So right now its just the girls and I trying to live day by day. Trying to stay busy and make these days go by. Of course its easier said then done. We have gotten into a decent routine and things are sort of starting to get back to "normal". Well normal as can be when your husband/daddy is thousands of miles away fighting in a war not knowing what even the next few minutes could bring. But we are getting by and we are taking as many pictures and videos to make sure he doesn't miss a single moment. And thats why I have decided to start blogging again. So he gets another view of whats going on and these memories can later on be shared with our girls. And they can see even though daddy was gone he was still here and thought about every single day.

So much as happened in these past 3 weeks. In the next post I will catch everyone up on what has been going on in our lives, post some pictures, and videos.

Get ready for one crazy ride. Because it never get boring when you have two little girls and one husband across the world!

"Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough."

William Alfred/Daddy,

The 3 of us miss you more then any words could ever accurately describe.

We don't want you to worry about us.

We just want you to worry about your task at hand and know that we are doing just fine,

other then missing the 1/4 that helps make us whole.

We just want you to stay safe and keep the others around you safe as well, they have families too and everyone deserves to make it home.

We love you always and forever,

Danyelle Nevaeh and Makenna

Your 3 girls the 3/4 to your 1/4 your whole