Really?

So why is it sometimes the day has barely even started and I'm already aggravated? And it annoys me that lately these blogs have been me more annoyed then anything. Thankfully I have two amazing little girls to make moments like this ten times better and those moments I don't really tend to post about.

I just hate how frustrating life can be sometimes and the one person who I turn to when I have these problems isn't even a round to talk to at all. So instead I complain and vent about it here. I have to get it out somewhere. I am generally a VERY happy person and don't let much get to me. But eh I think I have good reason to be the way I am at the moment. Its not always easy to just let things go and be happy 24/7.

I will just say I did something yesterday that I 100% regret this morning. I wish people would just understand the concept of being left alone. And I've come to realize once again this is the final straw and I'm done. Nothing will or can change my mind. I feel as though my privacy was violated and I am beyond angry by this. And what is sad that this is the first thing I can assume just because of the past and how people choose to act. You don't think I wouldn't figure things out? Don't worry that won't ever happen again and things just got even more private you think you don't know anything now...

And the 2nd thing is I wish I could just carry my close true friends around with me in my pocket. I hate the Army for taking the good ones away from me. I'm tired of friends who only want to be when its convenient for them. I'm done wasting my time putting effort into where the same effort and respect isn't being returned. It just isn't worth it to me anymore. Especially when the ones who mean the most to me are so far away. I much rather have 1 0r 2 close friends then anything else. I am so ready for change and can't wait for it to happen...Sad when I have a countdown for that as well. I just don't understand what I am doing wrong? I would like to think I am a good friend and am always there for a person when they need it and bend over backwards to accommodate and help someone out. I guess what it comes down to is those people don't feel the same way or treat friendship in the same light. And I'm serious when I say it happens time and time again. The people that you think are closest to and hope that you will remain in contact with and will be there for you when you are always there for them you just turn around and get burned.

I think this is all turning me into a judgmental closed off hermit. And its going to take so much effort to find yourself into my life because not only am I burned by family but people I consider friends as well. Hopefully with the fresh start will come change and true genuine people. I'm skeptical but at the same time am excited and remaining positive. Thankfully I will have those (couple close friends, you know who you are), amazing family, and the most supportive understanding husband by my side to make sure everything turns out alright. Hoping for the best but expecting the worst as become my new way of looking at things lately. Sad I know but with what I have had to work with lately..thats the only way I can.

But at the same time each day is a gift and I appreciate every moment with those people who are apart of my life and truly care to be apart of it. My daughters are healthy and happy, my husband even though is in Afghanistan and it will be a week tomorrow that I have heard from him I haven't heard any bad news so I can only assume he is healthy and (happy considering the circumstances). In 10 days I will be surrounded by REAL family where the girls and I will be surrounded by love and happiness and we will have a blast! And then I will know the sex of this little baby growing inside of me. And it will be just that much closer to the most important person to me will be home...I welcome that day and will probably be one of the best moments to happen in I don't know how long! I need my better half home with me and hopefully it will make me a little bit more sane and not so high strung...One can hope right?

Just another day to make me a little bit stronger and a little bit wiser. (And apparently a bit more bitter as well) Eh I'm 25 and still young and trying to figure things out I have a LONG time until just maybe I will "understand" this journey and path. Thankfully I have the best of the best along for the journey to help and guide me. (Thanks to those who are there and understand)