WAF Photo Update

I haven't put up any photos from Afghanistan lately so I figured why not..

So here you all go, I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

William Alfred so many people love you and miss you, I hope that you are able to feel all the love that is pouring in for you.

We are all so very proud of everything you do.

The love of my life. <3

This guy is apparently a mayor of one of the villages they visit. He is holding a picture of the girls and I in a flower garden.

Another picture of the flower garden.

I guess it wouldn't be Afghanistan without a picture of their abundant marijuana fields.

And the boots that I bought for him..I can't even imagine the miles they have walked. Thank you for all that you do for us..and not just specifically the girls and I but for our country. Without a doubt you are my hero. (and that is not corny its the complete truth)

WAF calling for illumination..Each time he puts up new pictures I always get a new favorite, this happens to be one of them.

Conley and WAF obviously on patrol but taking a "break" and looking at a map. I can't even imagine wearing all the crap that they do when its the middle of the day and over 100 degrees. I don't know how you do it.

"We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude." -Cynthia Ozick

What a long day.

Today was just a long day. Not necessarily a bad day just super long! From the moment I woke up until the girls going to sleep they were into everything. I pick a mess up in one room and there are 50 different messes everywhere else. It is just so exhausting. Then when one cries the other 2 are sure to follow. I have 3 girls who each want something different and I am only 1 person. I feel like I am just running around in circles sometimes. But I guess its good because it does keep me busy.

Sigh I just looked at the day Tuesday..totally have to take the garbage down to the curb. Ugh the little things I forget and its happens to be one of the last things I want to do at the moment.

On the upside I did do a TRX leg workout, I feel the burn, so that means I am going to feel it in the morning. Just another thing to get me back into the shape I want to be in. One day at a time with it. I think the girls and I will go for a walk at some point tomorrow.

Nevaeh and I had fun kicking the soccer ball around this evening. I was quite impressed with how well she was actually kicking the ball, and then when she would go and throw it she was just like a regular soccer player would. Its in her genes :); maybe she wont be so girly after all. Then Makenna amazed me by all the steps she was taking by herself. They are growing up so fast! I'm flabbergasted by it at times. It feels like the time is just flashing before me, thank goodness I have all the pictures and videos I do, so I can hold onto all the precious moments.

Even though I talked to Billy yesterday I definitely miss him today...Isn't that how it always goes? Oh well, tomorrow is a new day, and we will be 2 months into this deployment. Only 10 more to go.

Another upside I am now the owner of an iphone4 (yes a white one). I was able to upgrade and I sold our HTC Inspire and so I didn't even pay anything for it really. Then once Mr. William Alfred gets back right before he does he will get something new as well. This also means I can wait even longer on getting an ipad. Especially since I can do Skype video calls right on the phone. So nice and convenient.

I still haven't taken the garbage out..sigh procrastination at its best. I better do it before it starts raining again, pretty sure I just heard thunder. And without a doubt just saw lightning. My luck I get out there and it starts pouring. So I guess I'll go suck it up and take it out. So I suppose this is where this post ends. I think I am going to go vedge on the couch for a bit before I head to bed. I don't have to fight for control of the tv with Nevaeh right now...sad. Hahaha Goodnight world.

"Life is not always fair. Sometimes you get a splinter even sliding down a rainbow." ~Terri Guillemets

Birthday Surprise

So for once the mail system has come out on top (I'm sure that wont last very long). But this time it came through in a big way. Billy got his birthday presents today!! When he got on skype he already had his headlamp on, so obviously he likes it a lot. He also had his mystery box unopened. I told him he couldn't open it until I could watch him open it. (I know its before his birthday BUT its something useful that I want him to make the most out of while he is over there)

This was his big surprise birthday present. A pathfinder watch. It has everything on it from a compass, temperature, automatic time adjust, its solar powered. And tons of other features. Oh and it tells time too :). He was very excited about it and started trying to figure it out as soon as he got it on his wrist. He kept looking down at it and pushing buttons while we were talking. I told him I was glad he was there and had time to mess with it versus being here because I know he would drive me nuts (true story he would/will mess with it for hours and if he was here I would hear all about it, like it was my watch) Not that I have any problem with that but he's just the type when he gets something he really likes it becomes his bestfriend. WAF I LOVE YOU!!!! ;) When I talked to him last night he said he was slowly starting to figure it out. And he told me also that he was just talking to one of the other guys about needing a new watch because of some type of new radio thing they have going on. Well SURPRISE baby you got your watch. AND I was able to keep it a secret.

I can't believe he is going to be 27 this year, where has the time gone? Considering the first time we met he was only 22. And you know what really sucks? We have only spent 1 of his birthdays together, but thats the same for my birthday too. But last year was the 1st of his birthdays that we were together. 2008 I was in colorado 2 weeks after, 2009 he was still in Iraq, 2010 we were together, 2011 and he is in Afghanistan. So that just means next year we will really celebrate. 2009 was the only birthday we were together for mine. 2008 he was in Iraq, 2009 together, 2010 he was in Texas doing a funeral, 20ll Afghanistan. I guess thats one of the aspects that really sucks about him being gone. He wont be here for Makenna's 1st birthday so we will just have to have a skype date on her actual birthday so he can watch her eat her cake and blow out her candle. Then he will miss Nevaeh's 3rd birthday the very first birthday he will miss with her. (I'm not trying to make this sound depressing but it does make you think a bit...Thank goodness we have a birthday every year so that just means a bigger and better celebration)

Let it be known too that even though its hard I love our life and I am completely content the way that it is. I am lucky to have a husband that does all that he can to make life over here for us as easy as possible. And he does all that he can to talk to us and stay connected. So I don't really mind being mommy and daddy for a year. We have big plans for 2012 and that doesn't stop short at just birthdays we are going to finish this year our great and we are going to top it with 2012. :) Except..I just don't want to be 25. I don't mind staying 24 for another year.

Military Mail System You Suck!

Okay before any of you go and get your panties in a twist, the only reason I am saying that it sucks is because I am the most impatient person EVER!!! Seriously I can handle a package taking a week, but anymore then that then I start to get anxious. And I am SO excited about WAF getting his birthday packages. I already let him know what one of them are. I know I suck at keeping surprises this isn't anything new I have always been the one to be like " I have a surprise for you want to know what it is?" oops. Anyway so he knows he is getting the headlamp that he has been wanting. And then 1 mystery surprise! Its a really big one and I haven't been this excited about getting him something in a really long time. Its that good of a gift. I also made sure not to get him anything that wasn't useful that if any foreseen event happened where he would have to move it wouldn't be something that he would reluctantly dragged along with him. So proud of myself. Oh and the reason he knows about the headlamp is because he told me the other day that there were 3 things that he wanted/needed, and one happened to be the headlamp and I was worried that when he sent me the link it wasn't the one that I ordered so I had to ask him if the one I got for him was a good. And apparently it was even better then the one he sent me a link to. ( I did good!)

So that brings me back to the military mail system sucking...now its just a waiting game until he gets his stuff. I guess also where he is at sucks too because they are limited to how often they can go to where the mail is sent and pick it up. So that part sucks too. But I really hope that he gets it in the next few days or at least before his bday because I am having the hardest time keeping my lips zipped on what I got for him.

So I would really appreciate his packages just arriving already. It will make my life so much easier each time I talk to him because then he will know and I wont "accidentally" slip and tell him what I got! Ahhh sucks suck sucks! :)

Fun at the Zoo

Nevaeh FINALLY after about 2 weeks of asking got to go to the zoo today!! [And don't think for a second that 2 weeks, really she had to wait that long. We are at the zoo usually every week. So her going 2 weeks without is a good thing] BUT she got to take her grandpa for the very first time! And they had an absolute blast together. It was so much fun to watch her with him and show him all her favorite animals. But even better in her world was that Jeremiah was there too. [her very bestfriend] Nevaeh also was there with her Uncle and Grandma so it made for the best day ever in her little world. All her favorite people [daddy you were the only one missing!] and the animals. I really don't think it can get any better then that.

Makenna LOVED the Meerkats. She kept pointing at them and standing up in her seat wanting to keep getting better views of them. But the number one animal for both Nevaeh and Makenna are the hippos. They both love watching them and could stand there for hours just watching them swim around in their little pool. We didn't get to see them eat this time but it doesn't matter because we saw the hippos!!

Another HUGE accomplishment in Nevaeh land is she actually fed the giraffes today!!!! She wasn't scared she took her piece of lettuce and fed it. Then she even asked for more lettuce after it was all gone. And grandpa being the sucker for his granddaughters went and got Nevaeh more lettuce. So proud of her. Yay Vaeh Baby!!

My parents and brother left tonight, so its very quiet around here. We all miss them already and cannot wait to be in Michigan next month. We are counting the days for sure. The big thing we will be doing as far as activities for the girls is hitting up the beach. It will be both of the girls very first times going to the beach to swim and play. [since there aren't really beaches here in Colorado]; what a huge thing for them. I have no doubt that they are both going to love it. Once again another thing we wish daddy was here for. WAF/Daddy we love you so very much.

What a fantastic weekend with family and friends. It really doesn't get any better. William Alfred you are included in this because we all got to see you on skype. :) I love how lucky I am to have the greatest family and friends. They really know how to make life great for us. Thank you to all of you, we really appreciate everything you do for the 4 of us. (Jessica Ellis I want you know that you are really being thought of right here. Even though you are half way across the country we think about you all the time and consider you in our close circle of friends. We love you and your boys!!!) (Samantha you know you are apart of this...gosh October is coming here way too fast :/ ) Mom, Dad, Nicholas, thank you for spending time with us we had so much fun and you make the days go by so much faster when you are here. The girls really needed the time with you and I really think it helped them a lot. LOVE YOU ALL!

All Smiles

These last few days have been fantastic. I just am all smiles all day long [for the most part]. We picked my brother up from the airport on Saturday then just came back and hung out, the drive is just so long driving there and back about 3 1/2 hours so it gave me a headache and the girls were a bit cranky. So we just hung out and played. Sunday we played outside gave the car a bubble bath and even went swimming. I went to Davids Bridal and got fitted for my bridesmaid dress and was shocked when I fit into a size 2! The being healthy and trying to get exercise in when I can is really paying off. Hopefully I will be at my ideal weight and toned how I like by the time WAF comes home on leave in Jan/Feb. That would be perfect for me. Thank goodness I still have 7 months to get that way. I have about 10-15lbs to go. Then I will be content and just toning which wont be difficult. Especially once I buy a treadmill. I am really excited about the idea of having one and being able to go for a run whenever I please. Maybe I will enter some 5ks and such once I can actually run over 3 miles again. I can't remember the last time I was really able to do that. So that is probably my biggest goal as far as getting into shape.

Yesterday we hung out most of the day then I went to Target and picked up groceries and then care package items. I saved $80 dollars in coupons there. Pretty impressed with myself. I really like shopping there I think its tied with the commissary. Its sad that when we park at Target Nevaeh's says we're here and she knows exactly where we are, apparently we go there to often. Oh well :) Today is just another hang out day. I am going to clean a bit since my parents will be here tomorrow. Nicholas is going to cut the grass in the backyard. We are going to go swimming and I think I will grill for dinner...BBQ chicken, potatoes, and corn on the cob. Delish!!!

I was up in the middle of the night getting Ken Baby a bottle and signed onto Facebook just to check if I had any messages from a certain someone and he actually was on so we talked for a while. I just love my husband so darn much. I think thats why I woke up in such a great mood. And then knowing that hopefully in a few hours we will be able to talk again. I can't wait for that! And it makes me want to research our vacation more. So I probably will be searching for more amazing places that would be perfect for us. I think I am being extremely picky but we both know exactly what we want and obviously when we are spending the money that we are we really the perfect spot. :) Can't wait, except I hate waiting! I want him to be home now. Only 7 more months until leave (7 too many in my opinion) But oh well we will get by and hopefully it will be here before we know it.

Tomorrow Nevaeh, my mom, Samantha, and I are going to go get pedicures! It will be Nevaeh's first time going in and getting it done. She LOVES for me to paint her nails so I think she is going to have a blast and she always asks if she can get it done when we go into the mall. Hopefully she will enjoy it. Obviously I will take pictures & video. Thursday will be a zoo day then my parents go back up to Denver for 2 days for my dad's class reunion then they will be back Sunday and then the 3 of them leave on Monday. I think PF Changs will be in the near future too. I could really go for some lettuce wraps [yummy]. What a fun next few days are ahead. And that just means another week over too.

Life is just so much more enjoyable when happy. We are trying to make the most of everyday and lately there aren't any complaints around here. Loving my family and friends. Life is good.

Fantastic Day Today!!

Today was just an overall great day. I'm going to jinx myself and tomorrow is probably going to suck but I had to let it be known that I'm very happy at the moment. I woke up to a wonderful message from my husband..LOVE YOU!! I found perfect places for us to go on vacation I'm torn between Aruba and Pink Sands in the Bahamas. To amazing resorts to stay at there, so I'm not really sure yet. But we have a plenty of time and who knows I could end up finding somewhere I want to go more. Now if time would just start flying on by so it was time for us to go on this amazing vacation.

Nevaeh keeps making me feel like such a proud mommy!! She had a few accidents yesterday but still went successfully 4 times on the potty! She went 4 times today with no accidents!! So amazed at her right now. She has maybe 2 things left in her potty reward box. She isn't quite at the point where she is ready to just go. I know I am still going to have to reward her for at least another week or so before I think she truly gets the concept. I love seeing her calendar fill up with stickers. Such a big girl.

Then I also have Makenna who is just so full of love and cuddles. I can't get enough of it. She crawls over to me and grabs onto my leg and just holds on. Or if I'm sitting somewhere on the floor or bending over getting something she tackles me! We just love to lounge on the couch and cuddle together. Not to mention she gives the best slobbery kisses.

Then the highlight of the day was skyping with my fantastic husband! It was wonderful to be able to see his face and hear is voice. So happy that we talked today, I definitely needed that. So thank you WAF

We also sent out a package for him today. And I am so proud of all the stuff I jammed in there. I don't want to say everything because he doesn't know but I was able to get a queen sized pillow (in a space saver bag) along with paper, pens, envelopes, vitamins (2 different kinds), and then about 4-5 other things as well! Thats a type of package where you want people to be around so they can see, especially how tiny those boxes are. Even better though is the post office on E. Fountain is open until 7pm. So convenient for it to be open that long. And its not nearly as busy after 530! We were in and out, thank goodness.

[Daddy, I sent you out a package today and I picked out a few things for you, I was very upset when we left the package at the post office and couldn't figure out how you were going to get it. But then after mommy explained to me that it will go on an airplane then a "cool car" you will finally get it. And I told her "Oh, I understand." So you better let me know when you get it so I wont worry about it anymore!! Love, Nevaeh PS. I'm sorry the store didn't have you sweet and sour lifesaver chews so I picked out something else for you. You really like them and I got to pick out the ones I thought you would enjoy]

So that was our day. Nothing HUGE but none the less very special and important to us. Our family might not be complete at the moment but the internet is a wonderful thing and brings us all closer together..Dad you are included in this since you are in Brazil right now! We had a fantastic time skyping with you yesterday. I'm so happy that you got to really see the girls in action singing twinkle twinkle!! Only 8 days now until you are here. Nevaeh says bring your bathing suit so you can swim with her.

Happy Days make for happy nights..couldn't have asked for a better day considering the circumstances. (There is only one way it would be perfect..and I think you all know what that is but that wont be for a long time to come) Thankfully though we are 6 weeks into this deployment today!!

Refreshed

So happy these last couple nights I have actually been getting a decent amount of sleep. I feel refreshed today and contemplating what task I want to tackle today. I am thinking it will be getting rid of clothes and organizing all 3 of our closets. I know not really a fun job but I will feel better once things are even more organized around here. Its amazing what a little bit more sleep will do for a person..Well for me at least just that extra hour or 2 is all I needed. The grass needs to be cut as well, I think I may cut the front yard this morning and then worry about the backyard tomorrow. I just dread the backyard because it takes forever and I have to keep emptying the bag because it just gets SO long and its ridiculously thick. Another project I plan on taking on in the next couple weeks will be finishing decorating the girls rooms. I have been on the look out for a "little big girl" comforter for Makenna. Not much success yet. Then just a few little simple things that I want to do. I also think I want to buy a couple pots and plant a few flowers with Nevaeh. Since I didn't plant any this year. BUT my lily that I planted last year is HUGE but has yet to bloom. I can't wait for it to because there are tons of buds on it. It was beautiful last year so I can't wait to see it this year.

I also plan on organizing the garage more and sweeping maybe even mopping the garage floor. Random I know but it just gets gross. I think once I get those last couple tasks accomplished there are just a couple other drawers that I want to clean out and I will be satisfied. Oh and I want to organize Nevaeh's arts and craft closet. Then once that is done I will feel a bit more relaxed around here. How weird is that? I really do feel a bit uncomfortable because I have this random little tasks I want done and they just bother me but once they are finished I will just feel better. And as I look out the window our little lights that border our sidewalk really need to be replaced a couple don't work anymore and then the part that goes into the ground has broken off a few so they are kind of leaning. Not very attractive so those need to be replaced. Ugh the stupid little up keep type things are to tedious and annoying! I also think the floors need to be waxed again but that can wait until after the "stormy" season which isn't really that much longer.

I know this is just random babble but since I do have the extra sleep I feel the need to do all this stuff. And I think of how busy I am when I don't have sleep so it will be twice as bad since I have had sleep. :)

On a fun note Nevaeh and I will be baking a cake with sprinkles because I promised her last night. And playing with her aqua sand because it was the prize she picked out for going on her potty last night!! So proud of her, she didn't have a single accident yesterday and the only time she wore her diaper was while we were grocery shopping and during nap time. The next thing we will do is get rid of her pacifier. Just accomplishing one thing after another! Now to go dream up some other things to do to keep us busy!!

I love summer for the simple fact that I do stay so darn busy. Thats why I want to move somewhere its like that all year long. Life would then be perfect! Except I think the beach would distract me a bit more but I can handle that.

Life is good. love love love my little girls who keep me laughing and busy all day long!

Magic Blue Orchid

Flowers are those little colorful beacons of the sun from which we get sunshine when dark, somber skies blanket our thoughts. ~Dodinsky

My incredible husband surprised me with a beautiful blue orchid on Wednesday. He told me the week prior that he had ordered something for me and I wasn't allowed to check the bank statements until it arrived. We were even skyping when it arrived. So he was able to watch me open it. And when I did I was amazed by how beautiful the flower was. I love walking into the kitchen and seeing it sitting there. I just have my fingers crossed that I don't kill it anytime soon. So far its going strong. :) But then again it hasn't even been a week!

Thank you WAF for the beautiful flower and message. Its one of my favorite things in the house right now. I also have the message sitting right by the computer so whenever I am over here I can read it. I love you.

Where is the time going?

You are worried about seeing him spend his early years in doing nothing. What! Is it nothing to be happy? Nothing to skip, play, and run around all day long? Never in his life will he be so busy again. ~Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Emile, 1762

I am so very thankful that I have two beautiful little girls who spend all day long laughing, playing, and running/crawling without a single care in the world. It's the best feeling knowing that I can give them anything that their little hearts could possibly imagine at such a young age. But at the same time where are the days going? I feel like they are just slipping through my fingers. My babies are turning into little girls. It feels just like yesterday that I found out I was pregnant with Nevaeh and I feel like Makenna should still be this itty bitty baby who just eats and sleeps all day. But the reality is I have one little girl that I am teaching how to use the potty and the other I am guiding her in the direction to walk on her own two little chubby feet. Its such a scary thought, I want them to not grow so fast right now I want them to stay little for a while longer. I don't want these precious moments that I am sharing with them to go. I know that they will still be little for a while but they aren't babies anymore and these last 2 years have flown by at a incredible speed. I would love for it to slow down a little bit. I think thats the reason why I take so many pictures, I love looking back and thinking about the moment the picture took place. What exactly was going on what mood were we in. I can't even tell you how many pictures I have taken in the past 2 years I do know that its well over 10,000. Seriously 10,o00 pictures?? That it 27 years worth of pictures if it was just 1 picture a day. I know a bit crazy but I know there are so many people who would absolutely love to even have a single baby picture. My girls are going to have that and be able to look at almost every single day of their childhood and be able to see a memory. Not to mention the hours of video that I have as well. Thankfully they aren't tired of the camera in their faces [yet].

Then the obvious reason that I take so many pictures as well is because I don't want [daddy] to miss out on a single moment of them growing while he isn't able to be here to share it. So at least he has the pictures and videos to make him feel a little bit closer to the girls. I hope that I am doing a good enough job as I can to make him feel connected. I also try to make sure that the girls see enough pictures and videos of daddy so *hopefully* there wont be that uncomfortable awkward time with the girls trying to figure out who this guy is. I know Nevaeh will be fine but Makenna I'm not really sure. I know she gets super excited whenever we get the opportunity to skype with daddy but she may still be too young to remember..I guess when March rolls around we will find out. Lately, Nevaeh has been having a hard time with him being gone. She gets very emotional and just asks if he can come home or if we can go in the "cool car" and pick him up. Then she goes off on her little tangent about daddy going bye bye on an airplane and he went to go get the naughty boys. So she does understand in her own little way but she just doesn't get why he can't be here either. She's my sensitive girl. And as much as she fights talking with him, he is the first one she will draw a picture for or want to go shopping to get a present. Our nightly routine hasn't changed she still gives 2 kisses and 2 hugs one for daddy and one for mommy, I may just have to pass them along between the two of them but she knows that she is getting one from the both of us. I think deployments really are something else that make kids grow up fast as well. Oh well its our life and I wouldn't trade if for anything.

Another little thing that amazes me is just how smart these two little girls are! First Nevaeh, she can count to 10, she pretty much has all her colors down, and she knows so many different animals its ridiculous, she is slowly learning shapes so far we have circle down pat. Then as far as the alphabet goes she knows a couple letters but its hard to teach them to her when she can't even pronounce them correctly yet. So we've got time to work on that. I am so proud to say my little girl has perfect manners you may need to remind her once in a while but she will say please, thank you, you're welcome, and excuse me. (thank goodness she caught on fast with that, I think manners are one of the most important things you can teach your child).Another thing she is really good with is naming her family members (animals included, obviously). She is also a little artist, she loves to color, paint, build, you name it she does it! She also LOVES to sing and dance. Her current favorite songs are Twinkle Twinkle, 5 little monkeys, Ring Around the Rosie, and then any song that goes with a tv show she likes (diego, pirates, mickey). Then she has the most fun dancing to Britney Spears. (haha dad) Oh yes another favorite Nevaeh activity is jumping it can be either on regular ground or on her trampoline (which she has mastered) that little girl is very active. She can also march pretty good too. Skipping will come later :)

Now little Miss Makenna. She is doing so much as well. Like I said earlier she is starting to walk. She is a little speed demon crawler! She loves to clap her hands. She loves to try and copy her sister. So when Nevaeh is dancing she is right there with her shaking her head and bouncing along. When Nevaeh is singing, Makenna is making her own little noises too. She loves to go in the swimming pool like big sister as well as jump on the trampoline. She has figured out how to go up the steps and does it at a pretty good pace as well. The newest thing as of tonight is giving Maddy a dog treat! She hold it in her hand and Maddy takes it [gently] away from her, we had to do it 5 times before Makenna was satisfied. She loves stealing art supplies from Nevaeh and tries to draw her own pictures she may not be holding the crayon/maker/pen whatever it may be the right way but she gets that she is supposed to put it on the paper. She enjoys talking on the phone and leaving voicemails. She has a favorite game on my phone which is the animal one, where it shows a picture of an animal and it makes that animals sound, she can use her 1 finger and flip through the animals. She gets extremely mad when anyone especially her sister tries to take it away from her. She is very independent and knows what she wants. She really isn't into playing her with her toys that much she much rather explore and get into as many things as possible. Number 1 being the garbage. She has also figured out that when her sister leaves her stool by it she can climb up on it and stand and get a better view of what she can grab. She likes to play with my pots and pans (what little kid doesn't?). Bath time is probably one of the highlights of her day, she loves splashing, standing, and just going crazy in there. She doesn't mind water in her face, its the bubbles that frustrate her and make her scream. As soon as they are gone life is good once again. She is my fearless little girl who loves to follow her big sister. She may be naughty but she absolutely loves to cuddle up in your arms and give kisses. She thinks high fives are hilarious and is getting better each day at giving them. She is a bundle of energy that can't ever sit still. She plays hard and sleeps hard. And she is constantly just like her sister making me laugh and giving me something to smile about.

I definitely got lucky and have two of the most precious little girls. They are so loving and pretty much always happy unless they are getting in trouble. (which lately seems to be quite frequently) Go figure. They are my little sidekicks and we just have so much fun whatever we may be doing. They just know how to brighten up my day. Nevaeh knows the right time to tell me she loves me or give me a random hug and kiss. Makenna just comes up behind me and grabs on. She is getting better at kisses and loves to give them. There is nothing like love and cuddles from my baby girls. No matter how old they get they will always be my little girls and I will forever cherish all the special moments we share together.

Just one of those moments

I have so many damn thoughts jumbled up in my head right now. Having one of those moments again tonight. Trying to just relax and not let it all build up, but its not working. Everything was perfect today too, for the most part. But then it just sort of builds up in my chest and goes to my throat.


Tonight I just don't feel good enough for anything.



Sometimes I wish my life was a little bit easier. But the best things aren't meant to be easy, right? Well thats what I try to tell myself...Right now doesn't seem very true.

So Proud

Today I started potty training Nevaeh and I think she is really starting to understand the concept. Even if she does cry and throw a fit when I ask her to sit down and go, when she actually does she gets SO excited and comes running "Mommy, Mommy...I peed/pooped". Then she has to go straight to the bathroom and dump it so she can then flush. After that we head to the Elmo Stickers so she can put up a new sticker on the day. BUT the best part is when she gets to pick out her reward! Today she picked out a shovel/pail, and a princess bouncy ball. She tried last night and all morning/afternoon and she finally got it this evening!! What a huge proud moment right there. So hopefully in the next few days it will just become routine. (fingers are crossed on that)

Nevaeh Faith, Mommy is so very proud of you. What a big girl you were today even though you had a few misses those 2 successes were just fantastic!! We will get this down in no time. Once we do we will work on getting rid of that "blue ba". love love love you baby girl.

Makenna's 1st steps!

I can't get over it! Not even 11 months and starting to take her first steps. Where did this past year go? It feels like we were just bringing her home from the hospital and now next month she will be turning 1. Time is just flying by these days with her and Nevaeh growing up. They are getting so much fun to watch but could they please just slow it down a little bit!

WAFUD = William Alfred Feldhahn Update

Well what in the world is going on with that man? To be honest I don't even know. He sent me a message at some point in the middle of the night saying that they had changed the patrol times again so everything is all messed up again. Besides that the last time I talked to him was Friday and he was doing pretty well. Getting over a cold just had a stuffy nose left. But besides that none stop busy. So hopefully we will talk to him in the next few days and I will be able to say more about how he is and what he is up to. Waiting to hear if he has gotten any of the packages I have sent or the boots I ordered for him. The last I knew he said they weren't getting anymore mail until the 15th so we shall see how month old No Bake Cookies taste :/. Cool real cool. So I guess thats one of the things I will ask him the next time we talk if that is still the next time they get mail. Because how the mail was working he should have gotten the packages I sent yesterday. So where in the world are WAF's packages? hehehe Also once he starts getting packages from everyone else that has sent them I will let you all know that he has gotten them.

So I guess thats not much of an update but thats all I've got.

4th o' July!

Happy 4th of July from the Feldhahn Girls!

We had a fantastic 4th..well this was on the 3rd at Ft. Carson's annual 4th of July festivities. But we had a good 4th as well at the Haas House.

I made tshirts for the girls and I to wear on the 3rd of July. :) And they were deemed by Nevaeh as our "Daddy Shirts". So she was super excited to wear it and she wore it proudly.

And its way too funny if you were to see the shirts now. You can tell both girls had a blast because there are stains left and right on them. But I guess thats good and obviously they wont be washed so I'll slip them into some plastic bags to hold onto and show them one day when they are older. I'm a sucker for saving things when it comes to the girls. I guess I get that from my mom because she is the same way. Thanks Mom!

Nevaeh LOVED the fireworks, she was hilarious during the whole thing. "Mom I'm not scared" "Ooo" "Wow" and then at the end "More Fireworks Mom" She could not get enough of them. She was just so impressed and had the best time watching them. Makenna did like the big cannons at the beginning. But once the fireworks started she loved it but she was so tired after a long day of playing that she laid down on her sisters lap and fell asleep at the end. I love those two little stinkers so much.

Then on Monday for the 4th we went over to the Haas' house and grilled. Jeremiah and Nevaeh played in the little pool they have and they have a slide that they put in it and they were both sliding down like crazy. Those two are so funny when they play together. Jeremiah is very possessive of Nevaeh and Makenna isn't allowed to join in their fun. But then Jeremiah has no problem throwing stuff at her so when Nevaeh leaves he runs after her and grabs her hand trying to make her come back. He is the definition of a little boy and well she is my girly girl. And I Makenna being more like Jeremiah then Nevaeh every single time they are together. Oh well it will make things interesting I suppose!

So overall we had a great holiday weekend!

Treadmill

So I have been looking on craigslist for a treadmill, I've found a few that are a possibility but I'm just really not sure if any of them are "the one". This may sound so stupid but I really just want to run so bad, its the whole Forest Gump "I just felt like running"...That is exactly how I feel. Yeah I know I could always get a membership to a gym. But seriously the last thing I want to do after babysitting all day is load the girls up and take them to a gym. If I conveniently had one in the house I could run during the day. Much more practical and it would completely pay for itself especially if I would be paying $64+ a month for a gym membership when I know I wouldn't even go every single day. So the search continues until I stop on one and realize I really have to have it.

Or if any of you want to donate one to the Danyelle Just Feels Like Running Fund. :)

Sleep??

So one of the worst things about this deployment for me is sleep. I have no idea what it is anymore. Its plain and simple I just don't sleep. Its not that I don't want to sleep I can't sleep. I am absolutely exhausted, my eyes burn, my body is so tired, but my mind is constantly going. I stay awake until I just get so bored and I have to force myself to go to sleep. But then either one of the girls wakes me up or I just wake up on my own and the process starts all over again. The weekdays suck because I know I have to be up at 645 but as you can tell that doesn't even matter. Because its now 315 and I have been up since 230.

I am so tired of this stupid rollercoaster of emotions as well. I can be so happy and think about what an amazing weekend I had. But then I'm like well I haven't talked to my husband at all and I really wish he could have been apart of it. And the whole cycle starts again of being sad and searching for something to bring me to the point of getting by again. People who haven't experienced something like this can have no way of knowing how it feels or what its like. I can't even put into words correctly how all of it really is.

I've realized that I'm not one of those wives who really worries too much as far as safety and that sort of thing goes. Because I have no control over what happens I just kind of go with it but I guess I start getting really anxious and my anxiety picks up a bit when I don't hear anything for a while. And I think thats one of the things that stops me from sleeping. Its just stupid and I hate it more then anything. And when it gets to the stage where I am kinda down again I just want to keep to myself stay busy and not have anything to do with anyone but the girls and the kids I babysit. But then once I get somewhat "normal" again then I want to be around people. I think its easier to just be in my own little world keeping myself busy as possible. I think thats why I have so many tasks that I do around the house, now if they would just make it so I could sleep at night. And the last thing I want is to take a sleeping pill because then I wouldn't hear the girls and I don't want the aide of something else to make me sleep. I don't remember the last time I had a dream or a dream I can remember. I think I just pass out from being so tired and "nap" and then start the whole process of forcing myself back to sleep. And I really wish I could have a dream because then I usually dream about Billy and I really wish I could. Because usually they are all happy dreams and we are together and that is something nice to be able to wake up to, but my mind when I wake up is always blank. It really makes me sad that in over a month I haven't had a single dream about him whether its a good one or a bad one, any dream would be nice. :/

I really am not this sad unhappy person. I just get stuck in these moments where life just sucks for a moment. And if I could just get some decent sleep maybe I could handle these moments I little bit better. And the one person who can make them all better you don't have the option of just calling them up and be like I just need to hear your voice. Its oh I suppose I could send them a message so maybe in a few days or hours or whenever they get this they can see "oh she was having a rough time". Its just dumb and I get mad at myself for getting upset because its like really what does that solve? How does being sad or mad or whatever the case may be change anything?

But it just makes it so much easier to just cry and let it all out after having a rough day. Yesterday was a day that just could not go right. I had a constant pounding headache and my eyes were just hurting the entire day but I don't have the option or luxury of just staying in bed and not doing anything. Nevaeh was in my room by 745 asking for Mickey Mouse and breakfast. Then Makenna was awake. And then we eventually finally got around after not being able to find keys, shoes, and just stupid little things. Then I get to the store get the things that I need. Then get into the checkout aisle and realize I forgot one thing but I do not feel like going back and getting it. Get home and start making food to take over to the Haas' and realize I am missing an ingredient. But before that getting the groceries and the girls out of the car and Maddy decides to take off down the road its 96 degrees and I am running down the block chasing after the idiot dog. At that time Nevaeh is inside I come back and she is in the middle of the road. Saying "What happened?" So where do you think "happened" to her, her naughty butt who knows she is not allowed in the road without holding a grown ups hand sits in timeout until she can tell me she is not allowed in the road alone. (whoever is reading this spare me the lecture)

I think I need a vacation and just getaway from everything where I don't have to do a single thing and I just don't have to think. But that wont happen in the next year so I will continue to not get sleep and keep the girls completely busy and happy because the only thing besides hearing my husband voice is their laughter and Nevaeh just talking a mile a minute about something because she is so happy and exited about something, those 2 things are what really get me through my days. Sorry if that sounds sad or depressing but why lie and sugar coat things? Most days I'd say 6 out of 7 are normal and just lacking sleep. So I think 1 day to sulk and get all the emotions and stresses out is pretty good. So I've gotten it out and its time to start the cycle of the week all over again...4 days until the weekend. Maybe I'll get sleep then.