See ya for now

I think I will be taking a bit of a hiatus from posts.

Not as long as the ones in the past but for a good amount of time.

Thanks for keeping up with us and all my craziness lately.

-Danyelle

Oh joy

Why is it when I have a good day it's always followed by the worst possible night? It's like I am being punished for having a good day.

Right now I am going on 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Go to bed about 1130 just because my body is achy and I just can't fall asleep. Then to be woken up about 1230 fine no problem, I change the clocks just so its already done. 3 rolls around (2 b/c of the clock change) and one again woke up to screaming...up and down the stairs for the next 2 hours finally get Makenna back to sleep. I'm nice and comfortable snuggled about to fall back asleep, the cat races off the bed and I listen. Nevaeh decided she can't be upstaged by Makenna and has made we way upstairs. Literally 10 minutes ago I had tucked her back in and had gotten her comfortable. Now to tell her to go back to her room and listen to her start to cry in her own loud pitch voice and say. "but my blankeys", well you should have stayed in bed. So once again I am out of bed going downstairs to tuck Nevaeh in. Oh yes I totally forgot that she had also woken me up one other time around 1145 screaming because the bow on Hello Kitty had fallen on the floor...that should have been the sign off how this night was going to go.

It's now 520 and I am wide awake... 18 weeks pregnant and going on 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Welcome to my effing world it's such a fun place to be in.

Where you don't ever sleep. You're always alone. Constantly stressed and worried about everyone else. Have to manage and deal every single day all by yourself and just hope this will be the day that will be easy and you will get that message or here Skype start to ring. You can be told that you will hear from them but that doesn't necessarily mean it will happen. You want to vent scream and say you give up but really thats the last thing you want to do because you don't want that person to worry because they have far more important things to worry about...like staying alive. So my petty stupid annoying frustrating repetitive days really don't mean shit when you have that to compare to. And then it makes me mad here i am complaining and this is what they deal with daily. But I am the one who has to worry about that part as well and will be the one left alone forever to deal with this life alone raising soon to be 3 girls if the unimaginable were to happen. Funny to say unimaginable when it's something a question every single day.

Yep, I am most definitely going crazy. I'm tired of being stressed but it will never end. Now I have to find someone else to watch the cat and dog. Hopefully find someone to take us to the airport. Pack and make sure I don't forget anything. On top of still doing all my other daily crap I have to do.

I hate people looking in at my life and thinking that they have any idea what I deal with everyday. I have being told I am strong, I am not and don't tell me otherwise. Don't try to compare stories or you "understand"... Unless you have dealt with a situation like this you do not have a clue what it's like. Yet I do appreciate the support and love it means everything to me.

I just need some peace and normalcy. I need my husband home to help with the girls and everyday life. I need his support and love more then anything. I don't want to have to worry every second of the day. I want to just getaway with him for a little while and have all his attention on me and mine on him. Especially when for a really long time both our attention is focused elsewhere.

I will say this it's a whole new type of worry when you have one of the husbands who is out fighting almost every single day.

So for now I will get back into bed, try to get a little more sleep. Be thankful for everything and everyone who surrounds me and makes getting through these days possible. Think about how much I love my daughters and husband regardless of everything I have mentioned above. I will hope that I will hear and see the one person I love more then anything and can't live without.

Tomorrow is a new day where I continue to hope for the best and expect the worst. It will be nice when I can hope for the best and get the best in return. Until then... Well I'm not really sure. I'll just appreciate everything I have, I guess.

Good Day

I think I have finally reached the uncomfortable stage. I have been fine for the most part until today. Lexie is uncomfortable and she is definitely letting know. I must have been sitting one way for far to long now I am in pain. Eh oh well I know once I stretch out I'll be fine. I am also getting to the point where everything is getting compacted so breathing at time sucks. Not fun at all. But at least she is growing and I am just 2 weeks away from the half way point. Where has the time gone?? So happy that its going quick. Thank goodness hopefully the 2nd half will cruise on by as well.

The girls and I had a lot of fun today. We were dressed and ready to go early today but I was just exhausted so I made nap time 1030 this morning. We all slept 2 hours then woke up and went to Target. Nevaeh showed me the toys that she wants for her birthday and then we picked up a few groceries to get us through the next few days until we leave. The girls were disappointed because the Starbucks was out of cake pops. So we bought 2 bags of candy instead. :) We then went to Qdoba for lunch. YUMMY!! Came home and ate then went outside and ran around for a long time. They destroyed the basement once again so they will be picking that up in the morning. Currently they are in my bedroom watching the new Strawberry Shortcake movie Nevaeh got at the store today. (We are going to take it to Grandma's) I am going to go cuddle up with them in a few minutes and then they will be off to bed. So I can finally relax for a little while.

So I find that when I really want to plan something I get way too into it and then can never make a decision and it becomes exhausting. :/ Hopefully I'll get the motivation to figure everything out but as of now I just give up and don't know what to do. Blah frustrating trying to ALWAYS make decisions alone all day everyday. I think my head feels like its going to explode sometimes.

Positive note I found the nursery set that I want to do for Lexie's nursery! Its going to be monkeys! The colors are green, brown, and white. Pretty excited to order everything. Which once we are back from Michigan I am going to start doing that and getting everything in order because I don't want to be waiting until the last minute to get everything ready. Which includes getting rid of the spare bed so I can start getting her room ready and also looking for a toddler bed for Makenna. I think I want her to be sleeping in it before Lexie gets here so thats one last thing we will have to worry about.

So if you can't tell I just have to keep busy to keep my mind off other things. So trying to pile a million things into these next 2 months is a must. And I think I have that under control this far. Eh..why can't I just disappear and hibernate and forget the world for a little while? That would make things much more easy.

Thank goodness for my treadmill, music, and headphones.

Precious things come in 3's!

Lexie Carson Feldhahn

I just think Billy and I are so incredibly lucky. We are so lucky that we have had an easy time at conceiving some special little miracles. You can now make that 3 girls for us. Lexie Carson will be joining our hoard of little ladies and we couldn't be more thrilled. I am 17 weeks and 1 day today. I had a 3d/4d ultrasound done yesterday and was able to surprise my husband that evening with knowing what we were having. I think knowing this makes everything that much more real. Instead of "it" its she or Lexie. We can start planning her nursery and shopping for clothes (though we don't really need to buy anything..a few random odds and ends and of course she needs her "own" clothes versus just her sisters hand me downs) We are reaching the fun stage or preparing for her arrival even though we still have a while to wait. Soon everyone else will be able to feel her little kicks. Then before we know it she will be joining us...Such a wonderful time for us and I am thankful everyday for the blessings we have been given. Especially when knowing there are so many people who have such hard times at having kids and we are lucky to soon have 3.

Both big sisters are very excited about having a little sister. Makenna loves looking at the ultrasound pictures and saying "baby" she rubs my tummy and gives it kisses. Nevaeh has become very gentle and always asks where she is and makes sure if she is going to be rough its not anywhere near my stomach. She went crazy yesterday evening when we were looking at clothes for her sister. It was absolutely adorable and makes my heart melt because even though she has her moments she is the sweetest most kind little girl and cares deeply for her sisters, her mommy, daddy, grandma, grandpa, and gunky. She always thinks of everyone else and wants to do nice things for them, call them, and is constantly planning an extremely long list of adventures. She is without a doubt the one who is going to keep us very busy. Makenna is a little sweetheart too but lately has been having her shy moments and then will turn around a surprise you with her smile and laugh. (Or the random word she will throw out to catch you off guard)

I am thrilled that Billy will be home soon enough so he can really start enjoying all these moments. They are both at awesome ages to really be able to enjoy spending time with them. They are constantly cracking me up with their antics, Makenna's "no's", and Nevaeh's insanely hilarious comments. They keep things interesting and always changing. I'm thankful to have these little girls in my life and to keep my company while he is away. BUT I am thrilled their daddy will be home soon to be able to take them because they are a handful! I love being able to be a parent with him without him sucks. I love all the fun we have together and soon to be able to add another to the bunch of all of us sillies is going to be fantastic. I was watching the girls take a bath tonight and all I could think is "wow before I know it I am going to have 3 of them in the tub together"...Where ever we may move we will always need a large tub. haha

This is one of those amazingly happy moments that we get to share with everyone. And I am amazed by all the LOVE and supportive people in our lives. That everyone gets just as anxious as us to know what we are having and can't wait until she is here too. We are so lucky for that as well.

What a FUN day!

The girls and I had a BLAST at the zoo today. They were all over the place running around looking at the animals it was so much fun to be able to watch the both of them interact, its definitely going to be an exciting summer at the zoo with them and daddy. He is going to be so amazed when he sees them with the animals. Especially Makenna since she was still rather young last year! What a surprise he is in for. They both have to be exhausted I know I can barely keep my eyes open. Check out my Facebook for all the pictures and funny videos I have. I'll be putting them up later on this evening. So thankful the weather was absolutely beautiful today the girls were able to wear shorts and be warm enough. Love these beautiful days that randomly occur we are definitely making the best out of them.

The girls are currently in the bath because they decided to go in the backyard and play in the dirt and let me tell you it wasn't a pretty site when they were done. Now to get all clean and then have dinner, watch a movie, and relax before bedtime. So we can have more fun tomorrow. We are going to head to Castle Rock and hopefully find Nevaeh a birthday outfit (Ken too) and just a couple random things for Michigan. Maybe even shop for daddy? ;)

Life is great right now done with all the nonsense that effects my life in a negative way and just enjoy the moments right now. So much to be thankful for. Love love love my little girls for making this day so incredibly fun. Now if I would just be able to talk to a certain someone to tell him about our adventures. (this is the first time the girls and I went to the zoo alone)...

1 zoo day down for the year....SO SO many more to go!!!

Really?

So why is it sometimes the day has barely even started and I'm already aggravated? And it annoys me that lately these blogs have been me more annoyed then anything. Thankfully I have two amazing little girls to make moments like this ten times better and those moments I don't really tend to post about.

I just hate how frustrating life can be sometimes and the one person who I turn to when I have these problems isn't even a round to talk to at all. So instead I complain and vent about it here. I have to get it out somewhere. I am generally a VERY happy person and don't let much get to me. But eh I think I have good reason to be the way I am at the moment. Its not always easy to just let things go and be happy 24/7.

I will just say I did something yesterday that I 100% regret this morning. I wish people would just understand the concept of being left alone. And I've come to realize once again this is the final straw and I'm done. Nothing will or can change my mind. I feel as though my privacy was violated and I am beyond angry by this. And what is sad that this is the first thing I can assume just because of the past and how people choose to act. You don't think I wouldn't figure things out? Don't worry that won't ever happen again and things just got even more private you think you don't know anything now...

And the 2nd thing is I wish I could just carry my close true friends around with me in my pocket. I hate the Army for taking the good ones away from me. I'm tired of friends who only want to be when its convenient for them. I'm done wasting my time putting effort into where the same effort and respect isn't being returned. It just isn't worth it to me anymore. Especially when the ones who mean the most to me are so far away. I much rather have 1 0r 2 close friends then anything else. I am so ready for change and can't wait for it to happen...Sad when I have a countdown for that as well. I just don't understand what I am doing wrong? I would like to think I am a good friend and am always there for a person when they need it and bend over backwards to accommodate and help someone out. I guess what it comes down to is those people don't feel the same way or treat friendship in the same light. And I'm serious when I say it happens time and time again. The people that you think are closest to and hope that you will remain in contact with and will be there for you when you are always there for them you just turn around and get burned.

I think this is all turning me into a judgmental closed off hermit. And its going to take so much effort to find yourself into my life because not only am I burned by family but people I consider friends as well. Hopefully with the fresh start will come change and true genuine people. I'm skeptical but at the same time am excited and remaining positive. Thankfully I will have those (couple close friends, you know who you are), amazing family, and the most supportive understanding husband by my side to make sure everything turns out alright. Hoping for the best but expecting the worst as become my new way of looking at things lately. Sad I know but with what I have had to work with lately..thats the only way I can.

But at the same time each day is a gift and I appreciate every moment with those people who are apart of my life and truly care to be apart of it. My daughters are healthy and happy, my husband even though is in Afghanistan and it will be a week tomorrow that I have heard from him I haven't heard any bad news so I can only assume he is healthy and (happy considering the circumstances). In 10 days I will be surrounded by REAL family where the girls and I will be surrounded by love and happiness and we will have a blast! And then I will know the sex of this little baby growing inside of me. And it will be just that much closer to the most important person to me will be home...I welcome that day and will probably be one of the best moments to happen in I don't know how long! I need my better half home with me and hopefully it will make me a little bit more sane and not so high strung...One can hope right?

Just another day to make me a little bit stronger and a little bit wiser. (And apparently a bit more bitter as well) Eh I'm 25 and still young and trying to figure things out I have a LONG time until just maybe I will "understand" this journey and path. Thankfully I have the best of the best along for the journey to help and guide me. (Thanks to those who are there and understand)

Another Step Done!

Finally have all of Nevaeh's Birthday invitations addressed now to just pick up stamps and get them all mailed out tomorrow morning! One step closer in preparing for her birthday party. Now to sit down with her in a little while and make sure she is 100% sure on her birthday decorations so I can get them ordered and delivered to my parent's house. She is beyond excited for her birthday. She keeps talking about all her decorations and she even told me she was going to go pick up the balloons all by herself! Go for it little girl I hope you have money too. She still hasn't really said anything she wants for her birthday because I don't think she really grasps the concept yet. But next year she will without a doubt understand. Billy and I have a couple ideas on what we are going to get her but we decided to wait until after Michigan to give her anything.

And I think she is just more excited about seeing Grandma, Grandpa, and Gunky then anything else. I swear she adds something to her "to do" list everything single day. Its about a mile long already. She is going to keep everyone busy thats for sure! She has also requested to talk to daddy while we are in Michigan (hopefully that will happen) She was rather insistent on it. Always keeping daddy close no matter what we are doing. :)

Today, we are going to hit up the park since its supposed to be 60. And then I am pretty sure the zoo tomorrow since its says 67 and that way we can use Nevaeh's early birthday present (her yearly zoo membership from Great Gpa/Gma Hyet)

Happy Sunday everyone!

STUPID!

Okay I know everyone is entitled to your own opinion about things and this personally is my opinion. The whole message, quote, thing that has popped up on Facebook and a ridiculous amount of people are posting and tagging them, I happen to find it absolutely stupid. Okay the ones that are completely sarcastic and have been around for a while now those I do enjoy and get a good chuckle out of because frankly they are funny.

The ones talking about being a parent, wife, husband, girlfriend...I find to be the most annoying and pointless thing ever. Seriously you find the need to post them on your Facebook, why? Nobody cares. Yeah you may get that one person to like them because they are as annoying as you and post them up too. But really if you had such a great relationship with that person wouldn't make more sense to tell them those things versus thinking 'oh so and so' is going to get on Facebook read this smile and think oh 'Oh thank you for posting that "amazing" ' message. Get real say something YOU actually mean versus something that somebody else has said. How much meaning does you wasting pathetic time looking at those message to tag someone in versus actually taking the time to write your OWN personal message. Just a thought.

No this isn't directed at anyone in particular but if you do this then I'm sure you are in the category that I think are pathetic, annoying, and the type of person I either completely hide or delete as a friend.

Yes some of them I do enjoy looking at. But when its the one's about family or whatever and you are directing at a specific person..COME ON! I'm pretty sure that person doesn't care and I'm pretty sure nobody else does either. Stop wasting your time.

That is one of the things I have come to hate, things are no longer personable. Sorry but I much rather express how I feel in my own words and tell that person exactly how I feel. And really if your sitting there posting those do you really have that good of a relationship? Or are you faking something and trying to make everyone think that you do?

Sorry just annoyed. And don't take offense this isn't directed at anyone in particular. But all these groups that have popped up from searching the internet that putting up these stupid things so other people can re-share them. Really? Find something more productive to do with your day. No not referring to Pinterest because I have enjoyed that for many many months now. Not at all the same!

End of rant for the day...Who knows its still early maybe something else will "pop" up that I think really??

Just because I can

I haven't really taken any pictures of myself besides my belly..So what the hell. The most recent picture of me with my bump. :0) 16 weeks 3 days and looking pretty darn good if I do say so myself. This pregnancy is a breeze compared to the other two. We shall see though once I hit 32 weeks I'm terrified I am going to have a Makenna repeat with all the contractions and I would LOVE to not have to deal with L&D every other week and I could do without the trebutaline shots!

I cannot wait to William Alfred is home and he can be apart of all of this...SO SO SO soon and I am thrilled about that. The girls and I are definitely counting down the days and without a doubt thankful its finally MARCH! Bring on Michigan, Nevaeh's Birthday, Finding out what this baby is going to be...And by that time it will be April. :)

Happy Days here. The girls and I had a movie date to see The Lorax and they LOVED it. Perfect mommy daughter(s) day. We then went to Target got some yummy food for the next couple weeks before we leave then they came back and played in the snow for a few minutes. And they didn't have a nap so I HOPE that means no waking up through the night. I could use some solid sleep. And Nevaeh is trying out the alarm clock for the first time so we will see if she understand the concept. She picked it out herself and it changes colors. (SUPER CUTE) I want it for my room. lol

Now the day would be even better if I could hear from a certain someone. 3 days and counting without a word. Sucks! Fingers crossed that in the VERY near future I will. WAF I love you! :)

I hope everyone lease is having a wonderful weekend because without a doubt the girls and I are having a fantastic start to ours.