Friends

We all need good friends and I have found that really good friends are hard to find here. I've been here for over 2 years now and I can count all the friends that I consider close friends on 1 hand. I think that is really sad. But making friends here is really difficult for some reason. I'm not really sure what it is. But I know a lot of people that feel the same way. Its really hard to explain. It seems like all your friends end up being those who are apart of the military as well and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. As nice as it is to make friends who know what you are going through its also nice to have other friends who don't live the life.

It really does make for things to be even more lonely when deployment time comes. The person who you are used to spending most of your time with your "real" bestfriend is gone. So when they are gone its like "now what". I can only handle so much child conversation before I need adult conversation as well. But I am now more guarded because of being burned way too many times by people here. I help them out from babysitting, letting them live in my home, many other little things and I am just taken advantage of. So looking for the friendship where I don't have anything to worry about that its really hard to find. I don't do drama and I prefer things to be just laid back.

I guess it does make me a lot more thankful for those amazing friendships I have created (Jessica/Kevin/& Boys)/(Samantha/Jeremiah) and make me miss them so much more when they aren't close by any longer. The girls even miss the friendships with the kids and they create bonds and when they are so young its so hard to explain why you can't spend time with them anymore. Thank goodness for the internet and text messages so we can all stay connected.

It kind of makes me want to leave Colorado to be quite honest. I'm just tired of not finding really good connections and feeling bored. I know there is so much to do here. And we are constantly doing different things. But I long for the beach, I'm tired of dealing with winter. I guess if I had more activities that I love to do it would make things a lot more easier when my bestfriend is gone for a year. And just maybe the friends would be easier to make wherever we would end up. And I really do have a few places in mind where I would absolutely love to go, but for the most part that isn't my decision just my longing to get away from a place that isn't friendly and a place I am honestly growing to hate.

I really think this city isn't very friendly we have lived in this house for a year and I have talked to maybe 2-3 of our neighbors. The girls and I are constantly outside every single day playing. Nobody was welcoming or even remotely nice. I don't know anyone in our neighborhood and there are tons of military families. I am always smiling and saying hi to people. I have had a couple conversations with people at the park. But its usually old guys with 50+ kids (no joke). Not to mention I am out cutting the grass 2 times a week or washing the car. The girls are running around being silly people don't even smile or say hi when they walk past. It sucks especially when you are used to a town where everyone knows everyone and they would stop and talk and do just about anything to help you out. Like if you were walking in the rain they would stop and ask if you needed a ride home. (it happened many times) Or when you move into a new place they are bringing over cookies and just introducing themselves to the neighborhood. At my parents I know every single neighbor in the cul de sac. I could let Maddy and Holly (my parents dog) outside and if they happened to run across the street it was because the neighbors are out and they just wanted to say hi. If they were having a party just about everyone would be invited. I just miss that closeness and bond and the easiness of knowing everyone around you. I miss the friendliness of neighbors and being able to go for walks and not being able to make it very far because when you past certain houses and if people were outside they would want to stop and chat. I just miss knowing people and going to the grocery store and sometimes having to run and duck into different isles because you see someone who you know will end up talking to you for 30 minutes. (usually though that is just when we go with my dad or grandpa) :)

I can honestly say I miss the small town life where everyone knows your business I wouldn't mind going back to that as long as I had friendly neighbors and some solid friendships. But at the same time I would take living in a large city as long as I had all the fun things that I really enjoy doing. As much as I love living here in Colorado I don't really think it is a place I want to stay. I have tons of family who lives an hour away and besides my Aunt (THANK YOU!) nobody has every come and visited. They don't know where we live, have my phone number, they have never met Makenna its sad that my own grandmother doesn't know who granddaughter or great granddaughters are and have more opportunities then their own grandparents to spend time with them and doesn't even bother to try and make that happen. So I am basically saying screw Colorado and would love to be anywhere but here.

But at the same time I am not knocking any of the friendships I have made here. Because there are a lot of friendships that I will have for life and would come back and visit without even thinking twice. (Preston/Jenna) I just wish I could pick those friends and carry them along with me wherever we may go. But I have just come to realize lately that this isn't the place for me. And 3 or so years here is more then enough.