Brrr!

Its freezing outside today. Woke up to snow on the ground and the temperature is only 12 degrees right now. The girls and I went out though and mailed off a package. :) And then went to Target we got a bunch of goodies for the daddy 2 boxes worth. I did forget a couple things so we will be trekking back out tomorrow at some point to get the remaining items. I also bought Breaking Dawn because I haven't seen it yet so I think it will be my evening activity. The girls are napping right now with their new bouncy balls that they picked out...I couldn't say no when I had both of them freaking out about them. Makenna was SO loud the entire time we were in the store pointing and shouting at everything. It was ridiculous!

Nevaeh is dying to go outside and make a snowman but unfortunately there isn't enough snow and its fluffy snow so not packing snow man making snow. She is extremely disappointed and I don't think she would last very long out there with the temperature. Its pretty to look out the window though. Maybe tomorrow we will adventure out and play...If Billy was here I would make him take them out and play. I would prefer spring or summer right about now! So the girls can go run in the backyard we can set up the pool, go to the park, zoo, all that fun kind of stuff...Nevaeh has been asking to go feed the giraffes for months now. Trust me baby girl I am more then ready for that as well.

Definitely a cuddly relaxing type of afternoon/evening. I am off to snuggle on the couch and watch a bit of tv and maybe take a quick nap myself. Perfect little Saturday.

2 weeks and counting...Fingers crossed I will hear something soon.

Lazy Day

For the most part we had a lazy day today. We stayed in our pajamas most of the afternoon and just hung out. The girls played with their toys as I used our new treadmill for the first time. I am in love with it. I am so excited about having it, its so quiet and easy to use. I felt great afterwards and even jogged for the last 5 minutes. Its amazing what a little bit of exercise can do for a person. I drank a bunch of water to make sure I rehydrated had a sub-par breakfast. I was disappointed in the breakfast scrambler I bought. Makenna on the other hand absolutely loved it and pretty much ate all of it. At least it didn't go to waste.

The girls played downstairs for a while this afternoon the basement is pretty much just a giant play area for them and they just go crazy. Even the cat and dog go down and play. Nevaeh really wanted to go outside today but it was a bit chilly. I wish the weather would warm up a little bit so they could play outdoors but I just don't want to take the chance right now. They have both been running fevers on and off for some reason. Not to mention Makenna has 4 more teeth coming in making her beyond irritable and crabby. The slightest thing makes her cry and 90% of the time she is attached to my hip. I don't mind one bit but I could do without the crying.

Tomorrow we are going to finish putting together the daddy's first package since he has been gone. He has a list of things that he wanted and random things he forgot. Plus we have to add some extra goodies. :) We also have Royce, Dante, and Giovanni's valentines to send out. The girls are extremely proud of what they picked out and mad that they don't get to keep them. They just had to show grandma on Skype tonight what they picked out. Then I think after the post office I really want to hit up Babies R Us and possibly buy the babies new carseat.

I also have plans to take Nevaeh's 3 year pictures and get her birthday invitations out that way its one less thing to worry about and we will be there in about a month. I haven't really taken actual sit-down photos with her for a while so fingers crossed she will actually cooperate because she has not been very good with that in the past. It will be interesting to say the least. I may try to get a few of Makenna and the both of them together as well...Depending on their attitudes. I suppose I could always bribe them in chocolate.

I think that is really the most important parts of our day today and our plans for tomorrow. The girls are cuddled up on my bed watching an episode of Fresh Beat Band on netflix before they go to sleep. Once they are this mommy will be curling up to enjoy a bit of peace and quiet then catching some zzz's.

Its been a long day even though we haven't done much. I really just want Makenna's teeth to come in asap because she is miserable and in turn makes everyone else feel the same!

So make sure to check out my Facebook for the preview of the birthday pictures. I'm sure I'll have some up early afternoon tomorrow that way I can get them printed and mailed off.

13 days and counting with no word on the husband. I know he is fine and when he gets a chance he will let me know how he is. I just wish it was sooner then later.

goodnight!

12 days

12 days since I last heard my husbands voice or new how he was doing. I miss him. There are moments when things get rough and I feel alone. This is one of those times. I don't want to hear that I am strong and blah blah blah...

Just for right now I would like to be that weak wife that just wants her husband home and safe. Or at least a phone call or message saying "Hi, I'm fine. I love you".

12 days isn't that many in reality but when it does to your mind and leaves you wondering. What it does to your dreams...

For this moment I will be weak I will cuddle up in my bed and cry because I miss him. I think I have right to that.

Go figure I would let the dog out at 10pm to hear Taps playing loud and clear....Blah sometimes this life just sucks.

Tomorrow I'll be strong again but for now I just need to let it all out.

The Little Things...

Deployments are tough.

I think that statement stands alone. I don't like to say that they are tougher on a single person during the year when that person is gone, everyone experiences there own ups and downs through out the time period. We all cope and try to get through it in our own different ways. I personally find it difficult when people try to compare or say they understand, when how could they? Besides those who have their significant other ripped away from them, left to raise children, take care of the house, step up and be mom or dad. We are the ones who have to pick up the pieces, explain why they are gone, sleep alone, worry, keep everyone informed. We are the ones who have to be strong when thats our only choice. We cry during the National Anthem, long for our significant other when we see someone in uniform. We are the ones who cheer when one of our friends gets to reconnect with their loved one whether it be R&R or a Homecoming. We are the ones being the support of our fellow Military Community letting them know we are right there with them every step of the way. We celebrate life and we mourn death. We are the ones in the background trying to just make it through the day. ( I can't speak for my husband or the one who is deployed. I listen to the things he says, he is the one away missing out on everything here and dealing with his own hardships and battles (no pun intended at all there). BUT I can't personally put into words how he or how anyone in that situation feels because I haven't been on that side of the fence)

For me this blog is therapeutic, I love to write, thats me. I have always done so. (ask my parents, I'm sure at some points I drove them crazy) I don't write this blog for anyone in particular except maybe the girls and for my husband so they can have memories to look back on one day. Honestly every time that I write a post I don't expect anyone to even read what I have to say. I appreciate all of you that do take the time to read my words. Can sympathize, can laugh, cry, cheer, and enjoy all the special moments I share. It really does mean the world to me that you (yes you) take the time to read my ramblings. That you want to be apart of our lives. We are just a little family of 4 (soon to be 5) that just love one another so much and find the most joy in being together and having fun. We love to laugh, play, dance around, hang out all day in our pajamas. We don't miss an opportunity to be little kids with our kids. We are big goofballs that are a bit weird but we compliment each other and we know one another better then anyone could know us. Its not something we have to work at because we just love each other and when you love someone so much marriage, friendship, being a parent really shouldn't be work. Yes it can be hard and trying at times but even those moments that are more down then up its a learning experience it shows you where you need to adjust things a little bit or fix the mistakes that you may have made. I am no where near perfect and I am forever trying to make things better with being a parent and wife (as well as daughter, sister, granddaughter, and friend) but isn't that what life is? Everyday we are learning and growing and making ourselves better for the people around us. We do our best and thats all we can do others can either take it or leave it and those people that truly matter take every single little part of you and love you just the same. I'm thankful that I do have those people in my life, they make each day worth living, smiling, they make these deployments a bit easier to deal with and cope when days are rough.

When I say its the little things...Those are the things that make deployments rough. Its hard enough being alone for a year without the person who means everything to you but then put them in a situation where you really have not a single clue how they are doing from day to day. You just wait for that message, phone call, or means of communication that lets you know they are okay. Fine we've got that covered. It sucks we all get that. But its the little things that get me. When I have to tuck my little girls in at night alone and give them double the hugs and kisses because the person who is there by my side every single night doing it with me isn't there gets to me. Something as simple as giving them a bath and wanting to walk in and see a complete disaster not because they did something but rather daddy decided to fill the bath with a half a container of bubble bath, or he is sitting there right beside them splashing away. Putting them in the car alone, its nice having that extra set of hands helping out, or even just having him here to drive where ever we may be going. Its somebody to sit at the table at night and yell at the girls because they rather play with their food and blow bubbles in their drink. Its the littlest thing as seeing those god damn boots, pts, acus/multicam, rolled up socks, nasty tan t-shirts thrown all over the house. Most of all its the smallest thing as getting your own kiss goodnight and being able to sleep in peace knowing that your entire family is under one roof safe and you can sleep at ease knowing where each of them are. Its having someone to go the "special doctor appointments with". Or watching our daughters grow, I HATE having to catch it on video or get a picture, trying to remember every single little detail so I can tell him later. I just want him here to experience it all for himself.

BUT...

The best part? I could never change a thing. I have gained a new appreciation for life and day to day moments. The silliest things that sometimes shouldn't be important I now and again find myself clinging too. I treasure my family and friends so much more. I don't take for granted the impact a video or a picture can have. I still sit down and write letters, the letters I have received from my husband are some of my most treasured items. I take the time to appreciate the smallest thing because he isn't here to enjoy it and I want to make sure that I make the absolute most of something for him as well. I am so thankful for our life and love the ups, the downs, the in betweens. It just keeps getting better and I never want it to end, regardless of the path we may end up on I know we will be just fine because we have each other, our children, families, and friends.

Told You So!

Nevaeh just came running into the kitchen...

MAKENNA IS BEING NAUGHTY! SHE TURNED ON THE WATER....

The hot water.

All I can do is shake my head.

They are just like their daddy. ;)

Good Day

The girls and I had a really good day today. Its so nice in the mornings not having to wake up for anyone but them. They climb into bed with me munch of some type of breakfast food and watch cartoons until about 8am. Nevaeh is usually in the room around 6-630 and most of the time Makenna is still sleeping when we go into the living room and start getting ready for the day. Now if Nevaeh could just figure out how to sleep in a bit longer. So once we were all awake we got ready for the day, no rush but I wanted to get out of the house fairly early so we could make our way to the County Clerk so we could register our new car and get the plates. I am so thankful for some of the military "perks". In Colorado if you purchase a vehicle you can just fill out a simple form and it waives the taxes, can't beat that because it would have been a "pretty penny" if we were to register the car in Michigan. And our fee is even less then what we pay for the saab. So you can't beat that.

I am so thankful that I do have such well behaved girls and I can take them anywhere and not have to worry about them going crazy. Of course I brought Nevaeh's leap pad and the iPad along incase if it was a long wait but it was maybe 7-8 minutes before our number was called. We were out within 15-20 minutes. They shared a chair and quietly sat and played their games while I took care of everything. Its also a relief to be prepared and to have everything you need so there are zero worries and not having to go back later. I always get nervous when I have to do stuff like that alone because lets be honest my luck sucks and I always seem to miss something. And I had been stressing about having to deal with doing this for a while. That was supposed to be SOMEONES job before he left but didn't have a chance. So I had to take care of it. Well I did it and I am definitely proud of myself and now can offer advice if anyone runs into the same issue that I did. But really having the girls act right makes things even easier because I can focus on what needs to be taken care of and know they are just going to sit there. Thank you thank you Nevaeh and Makenna for listening to me so well.

Their reward a trip to the mall! Thats a win, win situation. Go figure as soon as we arrive Nevaeh says she is hungry and wants chicken and fries. Thats my girl! So Chick Fil A it was. Nothing like lunch at 1045/11ish. Then we went to The Children's Place, Nevaeh is growing like crazy as is Makenna but Nevaeh is the one who needs the new clothes since we don't have any for her size. But I can't just buy Nevaeh stuff without buying Makenna things as well. So they both got a few new outfits and Nevaeh just HAD to carry the bag. She was quite persistent on that, but when isn't she? Then, we just sort of wandered around for a little while..I don't have a problem with that its nice to get out of the house.

Then another of Nevaeh's demands was the car was just so dirty so we had to go to the car wash. So now the car is nice and clean. I did have to wake her up because she fell asleep in the car and was like "Oh wow" once she realized we were in the car wash. LOL love her. Makenna dozed on and off obviously not that big of a deal to her. haha

Now I was just told its bath time and as I type this Nevaeh is throwing all the bath toys into the tub and I am the one who just turns the water on. So I guess this is the end of this post because I know if I don't get in there in the next couple minutes, Makenna will take it upon herself to turn the water on and that is never a good idea.

They definitely keep me busy but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Hellllo 2012

I always say that I am going to keep up with my blog then life gets in the way and its gets pushed to the furthest part of my brain. I miss writing in here. Its such a release and I love being able to share whats going on in our lives in my own words. So a must do is to keep up with this. I will keep up with it...(maybe..ha)

I can't believe its 2012 and already February. I know I always say this but honestly where has the time gone? I swear sometimes I am just standing still and life is just zooming past me. SO much has happened in just the last 4-5 months.

Billy came home on an extended leave at the end of October, he made it in time for Halloween! He was here for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and even the New Year. Which I will be forever grateful for those special moments we are able to spend together as a family when I know so many who aren't able to do that. We had the best time ever. So many wonderful moments, so many laughs, and just overall amazing time. But thats how it always is when we are all together. Nobody else matters but the 4 of us. We of course have our ups and down but for the most part always ups. I am so thankful that I have the most supportive, understanding, loving, caring, hilarious, sexy ;) husband a wife could ever ask for. (There are a billion more adjectives I could use to describe him but I won't use anymore don't want to embarrass him too much). I am thankful everyday that he is in my life. Yes its rough having him away but how much he loves me and I love him it makes up for all the time he is gone. When I get that phone call after not hearing from him in a while, or even just an email saying his okay makes my entire day and its just one of those things where its just a little bit easier to keep pushing on through this deployment. This deployment has had its rough moments with people who are supposed to be close and supportive of us really making life hard for me. It makes me question every thing I do but I have come to terms that I can't make everyone happy, its not my job to do so. I don't owe anyone anything and nobody should think they are entitled to anything. I make you all apart of our lives because I want to not because I have to. I have separated myself from those people because who really needs those in their life? If you can't support us as a whole or think that I am the "mastermind" behind the family you are wrong. Yes when Billy is away I do have to make the majority of our families decisions but each decision is carefully decided and I take into consideration what his opinion would be or what he would think is best. And if anything I wait until we talk so I can ask him what he thinks WE should do. And a lot of the time decisions that pertain to him he decides those, how is it my choice to make when its something that deals with him? If he wants you to know he will tell you, he is more then capable of typing on the computer or making a phone call. And if he wants me to tell things, gosh you should all know that I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut so soon as I get an okay I am blabbering away! I just have a really hard time with people thinking that they know everything that is going on in our lives when they really don't know that much. Or people thinking they have a right to talk to me poorly or talking about me behind my back when they don't even have a justifiable reason to do so. I am so very thankful for the amazing support I have from my husband in these hard decisions and choices I have to make. Thankfully he does understand and even though he is so far away is always there to listen and he is there offering advice and telling me it is okay to make those decisions and would never be mad at me for the ones that I have made. So thankful for him, I am beyond lucky that I have found such an amazing man. I love our life together and its so exciting, fun, passionate, enjoyable, comfortable, it just feels right and there isn't a single person who was made for me more then him.

During the time Billy was here we found out I was pregnant, yes again. This baby is our last this baby making machine is out of commission after this one. Fingers crossed we have finally gotten our boy, if not we already know we make amazing little girls. :) I had my first OB appointment a couple weeks ago and my due date has been moved up to August 14th. So with me having a c-section it puts is about August 7th. But who knows I went into labor earlier then that with Makenna so maybe a repeat? LOL I would be so amused if it was the 3rd! (My mom's birthday is Aug. 1 and Billy's is Aug.2 so to have the baby the 3rd..would definitely make things interesting) I will be finding out the sex while I am in Michigan next month. I don't want to be alone for such a big appointment. So excited to have my parents there...But don't think any of you will be finding out what we are having. I made a promise to Billy that I will not say anything until he finds out first. And I also promised the girls and I will only be 2 things for the baby. Stubborn man! ;) But we have the carseat, bassinet, swing, etc already all picked out. And I am in LOVE with it. I also found a new stroller that I want so bad but its like $300+ dollars. (so that is something I definitely have to work him on..)

Next month we will be in Michigan! WOOHOO vacation. I am beyond excited and wish this month would just get over with already. I am ready to just getaway for a while and enjoy family and friends. We will also be there for Nevaeh's 3rd birthday. Yes thats right she is going to be 3. Gosh makes me feel OLD! I swear she is 3 going on 10 sometimes with the way she talks and/or says things to me sometimes. I am in for it because she already has the attitude down perfectly. She is very excited to go to Grandma and Grandpa's its so finny the things she associates with them. She has already asked to go to the beach since last time we were there it was summer...So she automatically assumes it will be nice when we go. I have to take her 3 year pictures soon and get birthday invitations out. Just wait until you see the theme! 100% Nevaeh. lol

Makenna is just Makenna. Constantly making me laugh and always wanting to cuddle. I am definitely not complaining about that. She is talking like crazy even though she is always silent when I try to get her to talk on Skype or over the phone. I promise she isn't mute! She is getting so big and she is definitely the one who is not afraid of anything. I am forever having to watch her because she likes to explore and climb everywhere. She definitely gets that from the both of us. But its great motivation for Nevaeh who can be a bit reserved once she sees Makenna doing something she cannot let her upstage her and has to do it too. They are the perfect combination together and make everyday worth it. <3

Life is falling into place right now and I'm just trying to take it all in. I cannot wait for Billy to be home sometime in May, our new addition in August. Then BIG things at the end of the year. Gosh its all so exciting and it sucks that it all seems so far away. Life is going by so fast but the moments I want to get to seem so far away. I don't want to rush things but I much rather have Billy home with us to enjoy it all.